In the roots of things....

This is gonna be my very last blog this year. 2009 has been a ‘great trip’ so far in so many ways in the journey of my life.

Its been a fulfilling year. Its been a memorable year. Its been a defining year. Its been a nice, beautiful year. And I wear a beautiful smile and my face looks nice....ummm....(more on this later)

I am happy as I sit next to an open suitcase, cameras peeping from within my old black backpack. I am just back from a fabulous vacation- a memorable trip from the land of my ancestors where I went tracing my roots. This was great in terms of my own identity, my Bengali roots. Bangladesh was a great experience.

This is gonna be a short blog as I had a very long ride back home, and I long for some massage. I wish to wake up to the New Year all fresh, feeling great and this requires a nice tight sleep.

I wish to wake up to the New Year looking forward to loads of travel, great time at work, friendship, and happiness. And my mind is full with Bhutan, snow, smiling faces, beautiful faces and a happPPy me.

BTW, life is a smooth ride if you have a great smile, have you ever thought so? I have a recent realization and I am in complete agreement with someone who once said “I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful”. And to be honest with myself I enjoyed every bit of attention I received in Bangladesh, be it in the music shop I went hunting for Bangladeshi pop music, be it from my fellow travellers in the jungles in the deep mangroves of Sunderbans , be it from people I met on the streets, in the villages, on the local buses, in the narrow lanes of old Dhaka, at the various eating places I visited, from friends and colleagues. I have come back home 'almost' feeling like a celebrity (I remember reading one particular sentence from the Lonely Planet's Bangladesh edition and that was so very true) with loads of admirers (hmm....thats for another time).

Wishing you all a great year ahead and I wish to write many more blogs in 2010, many more than 2009, inshallah!

Yahoo!

Yahoo.....Hmmm....there is a famous Bollywood song and I ‘almost’ am ready to sing that one! It goes like this: Hero appears on the screen all energetic, with ‘wild’ fervor dancing and sings (as it would read in English) “yahoo!....yahoo!...let people call me that I am from jungles....yahoo!..”

And I am here ‘yahoo-ing’ and feeling all ‘junglee’. I will explain in a bit....

Things are looking all gorgeous around me and I am all pepped up and in high spirits. This indeed is good news after a ‘flat’ spell (hmm...thinking about a graphical representation!). Year 2009 brought a lot of changes in my life. I changed track in terms of profession..umm...came to academics to teach public health in an Indian institute (btw, this is my first appointment with an Indian Organization in the capital). I have a new address now, living on my own in my own apartment and cooking food on my own in my kitchen (it feels pretty powerful, you know!). And after all these months in new settings, new neighborhood and new colleagues, I am kinda getting a good feeling.

Hmm....now I don’t really fret and fume because going to work means doing a mean 62 miles a day. How wonderfully I came to realize everything is possible and I ‘actually’ can do a lot of stuff, pretty much a lot more than I ever have envisaged myself ( this indeed is a big realization).

Things are falling in place. I am able to forge my position in the institute, in the classroom and more importantly in my own head that I can contribute well enough with what I know. Now I have a door to door commute available, making my ‘cross-country’ a smooth affair. And the icing on the cake: I am all set for a vacation. Finally! This is my very first (and last) vacation in 2009.

And there are reasons why I chose to hum that particular song....

I am all set to face the biggest cats (oops! second largest according to WWF) on the earth this winter. I will have a vacation in the jungles. And to set everything all-so-perfect, the whole thing is on a cruise and I am ready to sail! Yahoo!

With cruise booked, tickets nicely tucked in a beautiful folder, road map in hand and visa papers on my desk, I am a happy picture. And I am looking forward to December (now you know why also said this is gonna be the last one in 2009!)

I am all excited, and also emotional (read: very) for this vacation. This also means tracing my roots, going to a village by a river which is etched in my memory from a very delicate age. And it means a lot to my own identity, my own being and my own existence. And for some reasons year 2009 has been a very defining year in my life so far.

I am all glad, humbled. I am all excited, wild. I am feeling an itch under my feet. And those mustard seeds under my feet are in action again for me....yahoo!

a wee bit of.....

It is celebration time here. And I am looking for...ummm...a wee bit of ...

Celebration time should be splendid, with loads of fun, friends,food, love, joy, life full of happiness..

And here I am looking for a wee bit of this and that and all of these. Its sad and yet this is real. I am looking for wee bit of company, wee bit of love, wee bit of joy, happiness, laughter and I wish to enjoy my life a wee bit more.

Hmm...its true, more you become independent life gets lonely and the path becomes dark even when everyone else is celebrating festival of light.

Life sometimes is really full of contradictions!

Tale of Two Cities

“Riding in a taxi one afternoon between very tall buildings under a mauve and rosy sky; I began to bawl because I had everything I wanted and knew I would never be so happy again.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald


This morning this was how I felt, well, almost. Only differences were- it was morning and I was not riding a taxi. But feelings were same and I did not know how to hide my tears when it was just perfect to feel happy and giggly and a smile was just the apt thing on my face.

I wake up pretty early (that’s a norm of sorts) and I start for work when many would be in their beds. Mornings are nice (I like mornings..umm and late evenings!), especially when it is this time of the year, when winter is just knocking at the gate. My route to work is a lovely stretch, especially from my side of the town. I cross the river, it’s a beautiful view, and I feel nice cold wind caressing my unruly locks. It feels so heavenly. I almost forget all the agonies of traveling in this city. And at that very moment I just got oh-so emotional and I could feel that awkward sensation when you get those lumps forming in your throat, just before your eyes start to get moist.

It was really a funny thing. On one hand I was happy, that I slept well, woke up on time, had a nice hot shower, and ate a wholesome breakfast before setting for work, cooked and packed a very nice satvik lunch. And that I also could manage to throw in a li’l bit of practice session with a 2 KM walk (hmm, I planned to run half marathon and I ‘was’ training for that. But I will have to give this run thingy a miss with a bad knee injury. Well, that’s another story!) and here I was in all tears.

Well, I just feel I am so grateful for what I am today, for where I am today and for what all I have today. I really felt so humbled at the sight of those four young girls singing for the passengers in that wee hours. I felt helpless as my giving them money would amount to giving them alms. And at the same time I was so overwhelmed and so overpowered with emotion that I failed to make an eye contact with them when they came to collect money. I just felt they should not see my tears. I just did not know what to say and before I could gather my wits I saw four of them disembarking at a major traffic junction.

I sure know these girls are told which all places to hover around so that they can make business. Bhajans always sell, especially, in a country where religion has a huge commercial (and sentimental) value. So, singing bhajans praising the goddess will always fetch moolah. It does not matter even when one can make out these girls do not follow what they singing; even when one can make out they are made to sing in a language which is very well not their mother tongue.I just wonder aloud here who are these people who train these young girls, who are these people who utilize someone’s poor economic status and lure young girls when you surely know its risky for four young girls to go about in this city in public transport?

May be its really complicated, here I remember what I heard eons ago (in Bengali) which roughly translates to “poverty does not know any distinction between prose and poem”. Hmmmm……….

Shoe bite

I had to look into my blog today and to update it even when it meant stealing time from other activities as I went to work after four long days.

This was a long weekend for me. I celebrated my birthday and treated myself really well. I had a fabulous time this weekend, complete with family time, eating out, meeting family (brother’s family to be precise) and friends and then friends visiting home over home cooked food and collected loads of gifts (the little girl in me had a happy time unwrapping all the gifts and guessing what is what with a funny grin on her face!). There are a lot new stuffs around. And I got a pair of pretty clogs too....

And then I had to write today, on my blog. There were too many mentions about my not updating it regularly in recent times. I realised there are people who like to read my blog and keep looking for new posts. Hmm, it definitely boosts my confidence. And then again on my way to work this morning I got a similar request from an old friend as she complained about seeing only one new post after months.

I blabber to myself, ‘I will write more; writing helps me, it clears my thought and it’s kinda therapeutic’. I call it cathartic!

Hmm...I did that yesterday. It was yesterday ‘Lonely Planet’ and his cute little daughter visited my place from across so many places. (This family really travels and knows how to land up in places so beautiful or dangerous or so out of reach. I really envy them.) And it made me happy ‘happy-HappPPy’yesterday. I am happy not just because I met them or just because LP talked about my blog but I am happy that I could be home to host them, I am happy that I could cook for them, I am happy that it was a special day. Well, it was my birthday and I was home to celebrate the special day. And I am happy that he surprised me with his precision!

Whoa....I gotta be explaining here.....

Talking about LP, I just cannot stop praising him. I have hosted quite a few get-togethers at my place and as a practice I send a standard set of instruction to friends well in advance on how to reach my place (you know, I am so very well organised...umm.. professional!). And now that it’s a regular thing to have friends visiting me from different places, from within Delhi, from other cities in India, from other countries, I almost keep that 10 point list very handy. It’s just a matter of copying and pasting and sending an email and voila (I think) its all clear. And invariably there would be frantic phone calls on the day when I will be busy tossing mushroom in my kitchen or when I will just be setting the table or clearing some clutter in my living room, in the middle of some clumsy last minute preparation or in the middle of a clear-all shower. And I would talk to them muttering ‘was not my instruction on ‘how to find my place’ sent for this, so that there is no confusion’. I least expect such phone calls when there is a step by step instruction. Giving directions and making sure the petrol pump is on the left and that you are facing the road are the least liked things for me. Urgh... And it never so happened all these while that anyone landed at my place without getting confused or without making those phone calls, well, until yesterday.

So, in a way, I almost thought my way of instruction does not work and said to myself ‘maybe I am confusing’. But when there is no room for confusion and there is no other way but to land up at my place if one really ‘reads’ those 10 points, I very sarcastically wondered what made people call me from middle of a ride, is it that they like to call me, or they have a cheap mobile connection or they are simply confused people or they take my step by step instruction lightly and don’t read my instruction before starting for my place.

Well, for the first time in almost 12 months I had a visitor who landed at my place bang on and surprised me. First because he reached well before the time I thought he would (my assumption was hugely based on my previous experiences with my other friends). Secondly, he is not from Delhi and not even from India. And most amazing part, he was travelling with a little kid and used public transport to commute to my place from where he is staying (that seven star place)! And I somehow now know that my instructions work and that the list is very clear and you cannot miss but reach the destination bang on! Hmmm...btw, I have been copying and pasting the same list without any edit all these times just in case you wondered whether I modified or changed anything (oops, making sure I used same instrument for all the episodes...ahh...see, its coming from someone who is into hardcore research!!)

And I am amazed with LP for other reasons also. I met him after a good five years and it felt as if it was yesterday. We have been neighbors once and then I ‘almost’ traveled wherever they went as I would either get vivid descriptions from all the travelogue he would post from time to time or from my own travel plans to visit them (so far all flopped!). Hmmm....

And at the end of it, it brought me back to my blog and I drafted this after a long day at work, from the middle of working on a presentation for my lecture tomorrow.

I will write more, surely, I will. There is a lot to write, so many update, those fermented beans recipes I learnt from my friend from Manipur over lunch today (ahh...my birthday bash is so very long this time!), those tips on Oddissi dance from my bro’s fiancée, those recipes mom ‘taught’ me over that sumptuous luncheon my bro planned for my birthday. I need to write about ‘Oh! Calcutta’ too, I love the place and it seems I was quite a head-turner of sorts that day...or maybe they all knew it was my birthday! About how I ended up with some good French red wine in ‘bad’ state and how I am desperately looking for good recipes to use this ‘bad’ wine! And I will write about other stuff happening in life in general.

So, watch this space for more...if not less!

Its been time...

Hummmppppp....

Well, it looked like a pretty long time and this time I was not off and away travelling. So I am here without any excuse for such a long absence from blogging scene. But, truly I was hit by a 'very busy and hectic' time where I only cared for getting my share of sleep...at least six hours per night!

Life is fine. I guess I only tossed this blog thingy out of my scheme of things. But I have been writing nonetheless, on different platforms, different stuff, though. I am happy that I am working on my publications and also coming back to keep in touch with my blog.

Nothing much happened after I last updated. Except for a few trips to tribal (and naxal) hinterland for some research work, a few luncheon parties that I had at my place, a few late nights and a major family event (not a happy one) where I got to meet as close to hundred of my relatives at one go, (ouch) and realized what a BIG family I 'actually' have and ahoy! why 'globe trotting' comes so easily to me.

I have been teaching off late and finding it quite interesting. There are different kinds of students to interact with from different corners of the globe, different age groups and backgrounds, language, eating preferences. Faculty members are also an interesting bunch, I kinda like their company (I like the vibe!).

And I am doing 62 odd miles a day, cooking for myself, living on my own, and doing pretty well in terms of time management. I am also driving these days, hopefully will drive pretty regularly, that's the plan.

I am looking forward to life at this moment...well, September is my birth month and I have lots to feel good for me.

Coming to talk about birthday, it reminds me what a milestone of a year this year is for me. In terms of demography I have lived 50% of my life looking at average life expectancy. And here one is generally expected to look li'l worn out but I don't know how/why I have a major challenge to look my age. I know many women will envy me and tell me to take this to my stride and take it as a compliment. Even I am curious how many women would actually like to look their age after scoring thirty odd years and when 'anti-ageing' Rx is in vogue.
Looking young does not work to my advantage here- tell me, who wants to look 'fresh out of college' when addressing a class of mid-career professionals where as a matter of fact one is very much at the other side of thirty..

Hmm....someone teased me good naturedly the other day: "Thirty is new Sixteen"...ahem...(it feels good though but not when my students think so). I remember the advice of one of my old friend, who I am sure had (is still) had similar luck when he started with academics, to go on and speak your mind as when you speak they know where it is coming from. Yes, so true...I exactly know the feeling and I am quite liking it!!

I hope to write more and put my thoughts as they grow in my head into words; I surely hope so..

Follow me...

Hmm...this is going to be a request-esque blog.

I have added a tool from google (you can see that on the left side of the screen, just next to this post) which tells you who all are my 'follower'.. ..well, I mean, reads my blog. And I know there are a number of followers (I know, I know!! Stats tell me all!) for my nomadic monologue. Now the scene is that I dont see any of you giving a heads up on that 'follower' thingy...and I take all the trouble of writing this whole paragraph to ask as you read this post, why dont you add your name and be a 'follower'.

Umm....follow me and I will flow with more posts!
I am waiting, all loaded with ideas for new posts, all ready to ooze out of my head and trickle down to my fingers as I pour them on the keyboard and splash them on the screen...

So, wouldnt ye wanna make me happy? And I dont take 'no' very kindly...Well, for you I can be patient though...So, I am waiting....ok?

Miles and Bumps..

It’s a ‘miles and bump’ story this side- just sorta update after a month long not-so-active phase on blogspot. No mistaking there, its miles (and miles) and bumps only and no Mills and Boons. Huh.. I am doing 60 miles a day and a lot of bumpy rides. And I have been doing this for past few weeks now after preparing myself for the joyride for last four months or so.


Ahh...you really need to talk straight here. Alright then, I tell you all.


I have moved to academics and taken up my current appointment as a faculty in a public health institute after giving a longish possible thought. BTW, my current employer seems to be a patient lot and given me time as I made up my mind for this ‘cross-country run’. It was a big decision for me, almost like life changing of sorts, but not so life changing from my standard given my stints in cut-off areas and in remote tribal pockets. My parents have become super-immune to any kind of shock my professional decisions can bring and this time they were like, ‘WTF, go play your shot!’


Well, it was me who was kinda mixed bundle of confusion, anxiety, nerves, and things like that. To be very honest I was not sure whether this is going to be a good decision, a correct step in my career at this point in time, a right move when I just wanted to settle down in life with loads of time in my kitchen and spending time with family! But then it was me who finally took the decision and landed up at the new workspace all cheerful and bright one morning after crossing 30 miles through three states (ahhh...who needs all the info?).


I am kinda settling down in this new sphere and hoping to find my groove soon. I wish to develop my niche as an anthropologist working in the domain of public health and working in India and in the subcontinent is immensely challenging given our tryst with tuberculosis and HIV in the current times.


And with miles and bumps notwithstanding, road ahead is a pleasant sight. Surprisingly, life is looking so clear and I am experiencing that kind of a phase when you are driving and the highway looks all yours.


This reminds me, I need to 'seriously' start driving my new car. Ummm, I have a gorgeous man giving me driving lesson...umm..

Need some clean air....

Breathe easy, who wants to get stressed? Not me at the least. But I invariably get to get it. And it happened so very recently. Because I got manipulated, I was used and most importantly I was a bloody fool myself. lol.

Well, why blame another, look at yourself and find how important it is to know and see your own actions, decisions, and everything else. It’s a good thing that you got to see another’s true color, that’s a bonus. But what’s the guarantee that you won’t falter again?

Well, it’s a big challenge of sorts to ‘come prepared’ every time you plan to meet people socially. For some reasons I cannot do that as I am quite an antithesis of being ‘come prepared’. Well, I am organized, like to plan my life but when it comes to interaction or conversation I never follow any ‘guidebook’. Call it a good thing or a bad thing, I believe in being natural and can never wear a manipulative hat. But so many people shamelessly wear one and when caught red-handed they stage-manage with a plastic grin as if nothing happened. Well, nothing happened actually, for them.

But for me, it’s being unfaithful, disrespectful and not at all cool. I will continue to think this way even when you score a trillion and flash those painted lips. Because for me being simple/being upfront/being honest/being confident is the way of life. Thank heavens I don’t need to manipulate people.

I will be myself, but I will be careful the next time around. I promise, I will not again let anyone manipulate me….huh.. That’s a tall order!

Eatopia

Food is something that keeps me happy. Well, to tell you the truth- I just need to eat yummy food (more variety the better) and talk a lot. I guess these are the two most important things in my life. And the result is a happy and ‘satisfied’ me.

Tsk tsk…its so easy for you now, well….

Talking about food: food has been part of my life, this has marked many important occasions in my life, making food, entering people’s kitchens, getting people in my own kitchen, sharing recipes, recipes on emails, emails on recipe-sites, and once got a whole recipe dedicated to me ..hmm …how can I forget that blog? I am sure people are used to getting songs dedicated or such things when experiencing, you know, those blissful moments. And I was showered with, guess what, a recipe I was curious to learn and eat eventually (a tale of transcontinental, long distance romance!). Well…coming back to food and a blog on that, well, this is not to woo any nice guy but to ‘please’ two damsels in distress (if I may say so!).

Hmm…wait a bit…..I am explaining!

I just had a cozy little get-together at my new place last weekend and I got an opportunity to cook for an elaborate lunch. I am mostly into experimental cuisine (if that’s a term!) and most often add variety to the menu with food/ideas from different corners of the globe. I know I disappoint friends who come jumping to my place expecting Bengali cuisine complete with ‘maachher-jhol’ (read: fish curries); but then, I did make fish and curries, only thing is that these were two separate items this time around…ha ha..

But there must be something with Bengalis and fish. Because, of all the things I prepared, my fish preparation was liked, actually way too much for my expectation. This was a Portuguese style preparation in white sauce (ahh…there is something about white sauce and me these days…may be I am becoming Calcium deficient!) I learnt from a friend’s mother who's from Portuguese descent.

Before I delve deeper into that Portuguese fish thingy, the other items that landed on the table from my kitchen were (BTW, everything was prepared at home by me) as under:

Salad: fruity-veggie type with diced cucumber and apple with pomegranate, and a dash of lime just before tossing them together before serving

Mexican wild rice (ahh…. my paella fixation!): I collected this wild brown rice which grows in the wild, marshy areas in the Americas(I am into collecting brown rice or what?). My procedure is pretty simple. Soak rice overnight; put it on low flame with double the amount of water and add some salt, let it boil. Meanwhile on another pan heat oil, add garlic and ginger cubes- one teaspoonful, add spring onion with about two inches of stem- sliced vertically -about six of them, diced tomatoes- two medium sized, two green chilies, let this get cooked, little brownish. And when you get nice aroma as they are getting fried/cooked add three eggs to the mixture. Turn slowly and try to mix in with the veggies for nice scrambled eggs. Throw in peas, and sprinkle some tofu (I take a handful, crush them and spread it on top of the egg-veggie-scramble). Then take out rice (by this time rice is already boiled and cooked, try to check that from time to time- its easy for me as I have a big four burner stove) in a bowl (the serving bowl) and layer it with veggie-egg thingy. Mix it loosely. And you are ready for some healthy fiesta.

Vegetarian hot pot: This one was a last minute addition as a few of my friends like to eat vegetables along with fish and flesh err meat. And I learned to make vegetable broth at home (see, I told you everything was cooked at home). In vegetable broth- about two litres- add diced ginger and garlic-one tablespoon, bring this to boil. Then keep it on low flame and simmer. In another pan pour some oil, add a lot of mushroom (I like to cut then vertically into fours), cook this for about three minutes till they change color and evenly cooked. Add strips of baby cabbage-very thinly cut, and cook for another two minutes; add slices of baby carrots-about half inches thick. Transfer this mixture to the broth, stir well. Then add large cubes of tofu. Take it off from heat and cover. Garnish with whole spring onions-cut into fours- let them float on the surface.

Portuguese Fish: Boneless varieties are better; usually marine fishes are preferable. But I used Rohu (actually I have always used), only the portions from the stomach (its easy to de-bone from this part), cut into pieces-four by two inches. This time I marinated for about an hour with olive oil and vinegar (this was very experimental) with black pepper powder. Fry these pieces nice and crispy and set aside. This recipe has a special trick: the way other ingredients are cut. Potatoes-big sizes are better, onions- big, round ones are better. Potatoes are cut in long-tall slices- in lateral sections; onions are cut in slices- in cross sections, so that we get a lot of onion rings. Use a thick bottomed pan, pour oil (not miserly or else it wont taste like the way I made), heat oil for some time. Start with potatoes, sprinkle some whole black pepper seeds, turn potatoes occasionally and continue till they are little brownish. Add onion slices; these will soon break into rings. Start to cook/fry till these two are softer. Add fish pieces. And cook for about three-four minutes. Remove from fire. After it’s cooled down cover it with white sauce- I make it with milk and cheese and some barley/wheat flour. Keep it aside. Before serving heat it for 5 minutes in microwave (one can broil for 1 minutes in 100deg C; I use auto-cook mode for vegetable- which is 5 minutes in medium heat), this gives a light-brownish coat and nice aroma.

Chicken-Indian style (I don’t know which region in India!): I am calling it Indian style as I used regular ‘garam masala’, bay leaf, ginger, garlic paste, etc. To begin with I marinated chicken in yogurt and garlic, ginger paste, tomato paste, sprinkled some ‘meat masala’ and kept it aside for about one hour. On a thick bottomed pan (I used my wide mouthed pressure cooker which comes with a thick and slender bottom) heat oil, add cumin seeds, bay leaf-2/3, big chunky onions- cut into fours, cook for sometime. Then transfer the whole marinated chicken to the pan, keep stirring. Continue till all the spices are cooked/fried, and a smooth gravy is formed. Cover it and cook it till the time fork can smoothly pass through chicken pieces. It can be pressure cooked as well but it might get over cooked/over boiled.


For dessert I had melons (I got two different colors) cut into boat shaped pieces- smeared with sugar powder and honey. I had put this in the freezer for sometime for a thin crystal like crust on melons. And there was a freshly baked cake-Czech style- thanks to my friend from Prague.

Ahhh…and there was some nice Darjeeling tea and some baked cookies. And this time there was no wine (I still don’t have a cork opener) and nobody volunteered to open one of those Rioja to say cheers (my attempt to tempt this man with muscles failed, he wanted beer instead!)

Hope ‘damsels in distress’ are happy with this elaborate blog.

‘AM’, chak chaare? Don’t forget to call me when you are trying this fish recipe, I will love to eat them without doing any effort…..I love food more if someone else is cooking and I get to do ‘only eating’!!

Bon Appétit !

Of crossing roads and cross connections...

'Crossroad' has been a very common word in my usage off late. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or bad. But literally I am finding myself at cross roads more often these days than ever before. I guess, you get what you think!! Ha ha ha..

Well, coming to think of ‘thinking’, I am thinking a lot more as well. Well, that’s normal of sorts, isn’t it? So many people have already mentioned that and have known this trait of mine. And I am OK with it rather than being defensive or not lending an ear for words of criticism. You know, some things are supposed to be the way it is. And I am happy the way I am. I am God’s own creation (this offends my mom the most ....huh!)

And another recent trend is that: a lot many people are telling things to me about me. Hmm, I wonder may be its time I really hear what they mean. Or may be its too many people in my life? And I am realizing its difficult to balance things in life when things are out of proportion. It holds good especially for me. Because I am an organized, sorta disciplined, and I am used to my ways of life where I am the only person involved; and the most contradictory aspect about it is that I am social and like to go out and meet friends. Arghh…its a dilemma to have a balance here. Because everybody cannot be like you and I am not in-charge of a military mission. So….

So, here I am sitting in front of a computer at my work-station with a bad headache, shoulder pain and what not. I realized how stressed I am myself and how stressful I could be for others. But then, is there a way out? I, for some reason, am for peaceful existence, healthy living and bonhomie. So, what shall I do? I should hide in one of those shells and get cocooned? Or go in for a diplomatic, ‘pseudo’, superficial way which is pleasant on the surface but without any bond of friendship, no straight-talking?

And after all these I hate to say: I am confused with myself. And yes, I figured out how difficult I could get and so-very-high-maintenance. Sometimes, these terms just don’t register the right meaning and often we (I) get defensive but actions or instances offer such glaring examples. Umm, now I have empirical evidence to say I could be cited as difficult and high-maintenance personality. I am so very happy to know that and I am grateful to people in my life as without them I would have never realized this. Sometimes, you need to bump into people to know your own self.

It just happened to me recently, three times in a row. Wow!

Hold All

Hold-all is something I have inherited, it’s a gift from heirloom, sort of ‘poitrik sompotti’ –which is kind of a treasure passed down from generation to another, from one’s dad (if I can offer a more specific translation for this Über-Bengali terminology), if I can label it that way! Thanks to our nomadic existence which warranted sturdy travel gears anytime of the year, in rains and in snows, every now and then …hmm….

And a hold-all is all I want when that’s an odd piece of article in my store room. Hope dad is not reading it, yikes!

Thinking of the term ‘hold-all’, I wish I could be one such myself when its such a difficult task to seal all those invisible pores which cry out loud from time to time to shed all the ‘stories’ all over. Umm, what an expression! Yes, I know exactly what I am talking about and you might need a wee bit of explaining here :)

As a person I am all words, spoken the better. Now you know what I am trying hard to ‘hold-all’ so badly.

I guess I have come to realize how this talkative nature is so irritating. This is a quality as I am never at odds in a new situation; I can just walk up to someone and talk. Well, that’s a good way to be not-so tongue-tied. But have you wondered what happens when in a group you are the only one who is all words? Sound-bites…err sound-byte!!
The same trait if exercised within limits could be very entertaining, social, and fun and if toppled a wee-bit more could be so very boring and not-attractive? I have found that out.
And I feel a mix of bad and sad :) Hehehe… I am incorrigible! (Gyan-paapi! Baaps, that's again a heavy duty Bong from my side..hic hic)

And sometimes I thank my stars when my friends are busy in midst of things, either running from one corner of the city to another or on treadmill or lost in contemplation or analyzing facts and figures or just browsing and away from their phones. I really thank my timing as that’s when I get to see what all I have in store to ‘pour’ out. And such times could be frustrating for someone who believes in voicing it out. But after all those turbulent times-which lasts for a good five-to-ten minutes, its all so serene and I am all so sane and rational.

Its actually a good idea to have those thoughts with you and not let those out the moment you see a pair of ‘willing’ears!! Oops, I feel so sorry for those who had been victims of my non-stop non-sense.. err …'stories of the day'-bout with a nice guise of smiling face and a set of twinkling eyes.

Silence is golden, said someone somewhere. May be not for me definitely! But I love Buddha and what all he says. I wish to listen to him…..

Hold all…err …hold on..I offer to change. Change is only constant.

And here goes Solna ‘holding all’ in prayers…“Buddham Sharanam Gachhami”. And Buddha smiles…

Culture-vulture

I am totally immersed with Tagore these days....I am with him day in and day out...

Err...I mean I am reading his books, listening to his music and talking about him, researching on him...I am into him. Yes, its like this ever since I have visited Shantiniketan.


Hmmm...I just managed a weekend to visit Shantiniketan and what a trip that was. I suddenly discovered the dormant Bengali side of me...and I am happy.


I am pasting a couple of pictures from my Tagore trail so that you can also walk with me as I recite:



"amader chhoto nodi
choley aanke-bnaake
boishakh maashe taar hnaathu jowl thake"





Hmm....I am happy when someone commented that my Bengali has improved that I have been speaking in Bangla with such eloquence that no one can say I have been away from West Bengal for a good 22 years. It definitely makes me swell in pride and I am sure this will make my mom happy too......














P.S: All pictures are copyright material Solna.

Happy and GAY

I am happy and I am gay…oops!

Anyway, stop calling me names, I really mean it. I get grumpy here.

This is a post-mortem of sorts after a nice concert and group dinner. One important mention of the evening is that it was dominated by a man who is always gay. The after effect: I feel happy after a weekend long me-time and a slow Monday with ‘work from home’. But I do feel tired on Tuesday afternoon with just four hours of sleep….yikes, don’t ask me why so much sleeping time was lost.

This is no bipolar thingy. It’s simple PMS and it’s normal. And it’s normal to feel moody. Just like some people are differently creative (wow, what a term!) I am differently moody and I sport different shades of mood. But most of all, if you really know me that well, I am a perky, happy, cheerful, all energetic kinda person (as if I owe you an explanation? I am fine the way I am.)

I just tried to re-read some of my old blogs (just to know what all some of my friends are reading and what all things they are finding out about me) and I was awesomely stunned at some of the descriptions I have written about me. And I really gave it a thought. But then how does it matter if you have a complete different interpretation reading what I write? Does this mean I stop writing the way I want to? Or I check what all meaning or interpretations are possible for some of my descriptions? I give a damn, seriously, I do.

The other day I was asked as if someone took me for a case of bipolar disorder just that I have been writing about mood swings, getting on sudden highs, and then low phases. Well, I have been just writing about me. I actually say more than I should …but….

You know I was actually upset when you probe based on what you read and enquire whether I could be case of a clinical condition. Anyway, it’s my fault. I should have taken care in using words like ‘going on a roller coaster ride’, ‘doomed’ etc with such generosity.

High or low, its business as usual and I realized one thing really hard: its only you ( I remember the number “Its only words, and words are all I have, to take. Your heart away”; I really like this song, ahhh, my guitar) and you only at the end of the day to help you out of a sticky wicket. And that you can only help yourself. And I am happy that I have me with me all the time. I love this moody-me so very much.

Ouch! Just going on for nose-dive…

I guess it is inevitable and I also knew its coming!

Yikes, I almost know how someone is reacting after reading this one sentence….Well, for your benefit Sir, I am explaining…so, don’t again say what you once said!!

I have been going through a very longish ‘high energy’ phase and it had to come to an end. It’s only normal. What is not normal is the erratic way it knocks me out. And I find me doomed in the middle of an important deadline and lose all my smartness and forget to flaunt my trademark smile (someone said ‘bewitching’) and for some reason get bogged down by the stare of that new-chick (I have a new term for her: ‘sophisticated-uncouth bitch’). I really hate when I am on such a sticky wicket… (Ouch, what’s happening down under with these men in Blue, losing matches after matches!!? I was referring to T20 matches in New Zealand and the losing streak India is continuing with…See, I am explaining!)

I guess I know what’s been happening…I mean in my zone, in my life, that is.

I have been happily spreading thin and not realizing the after effect as my energy level was high. I was wondering the other day when I was ruminating on my energy spurts as if I had taken some dope. Seriously, I can go on a high without anything and behave in such a manner which could be so very similar to someone just high on, say, marijuana. But I am naturally like this. My happy ‘high’ phase is very high and it shows. You will notice that bang on, no mistaking my presence.

But what comes after that is a very sudden, out-of-control ‘doomed’ phase. And I feel so utterly sorry for this. I have been on a roller-coaster ride and suddenly when I park myself within some unknown shell it surprises everyone around me and I am so very ‘shelled’ that I don’t offer an explanation and I know it could be irksome.

But for the benefit of my friends around me I have issued an 'update' (oops, so sophisticated, who cares?); have you seen my FaceBook off late? I know, its irrational. It can be seen as an act of immature mind. But I just wanted such an ‘absolute-ME-time’ that I have to enter into my shell without mincing any more words. And I am telling this way on my blog so that you all know I have not been avoiding any of you. But I just needed to have me with me, just in my skin, in my raw self, in my emotions, in my tears and… and…

I hope you will help me get my me-time and I wish to give time to you (I wish to meet you, sorry for the goof up this weekend) and see you when I have that nice smile to compliment my new hairdo. I don’t want to effect you with my moods. I care for you.

And I remember a phrase which is so apt: ‘conserve energy’. I need to learn that, its high time I do. And I also remembered just in time to 'cut the details' for a story well said!!

Obama Speaks....

Obama believes, "that every man is trying to either live up to his father's expectations, or make up for his father's mistakes."

Hair and Now

I had a very exciting Valentine’s Day eve this year. Complete with a new hairdo followed by a sexy dinner date at a Chinese place where we ate some yummy lamb with nicely stinking bamboo shoot and got drunk on some Vodka shots. And I did a tipsy walking on my way home. No one noticed, only I knew I was drunk. It was a very nice feeling as when I am drunk I am super efficient; I even ordered around and asked a man to vacate the ladies seat on Metro; that was the last train, btw!

Ummm..this new hairdo is really hot…I mean I am liking it.

It started like this: I have been growing my hair for quite sometime actually. Hmm, there is a history to it. Some background for the readers: I remember the last two visits to hair salons, one was in January 2007 in Tirupathi (a kind of annual ritual which has become irregular) and the very last visit to a hair dresser was in November 2007 (that was just before a trip to shed some baggage, well….). After that I spared my hair and allowed them to grow and get longer. (It actually grew quite long; you can see for yourself in the picture taken just before I went under the scissors again.) This long hair looked cool until this winter when I struggled every morning with my entangled hair and ended up making either a bun or an untidy looking plait And for some reasons that was not helping my nice façade (read: face). Hmmm.

So, I have been giving serious thoughts about a new hair cut (read: short hair cut). Voila!
I not only got a great suggestion but also had a friend accompanying me for the session.

And it happened just a day before Valentine’s Day. First, I could not wait to get a new hairdo and then I would be gone and away for another week after that.

So, I meet Mujeeb after a busy Friday at work and pleasntly realized I was at a heritage site as he is the third generation creating magic with scissors since 1930. Wow, such impressive bio. And he played with my hair, worked with it and ultimately came up with this new one for me. I was at one point feeling like a guinea pig with onlookers around me; I really created such a big thing out of this that my session took quite long and others in the salon got thoroughly entertained! BTW, I saw a very nice looking man who was waiting for his turn. And I later found out that he had come to shave off his hair as he lost a bet. Hmmm! But I rather liked him…shhhh. He even came prepared with a sexy cap; I quite liked his flowing hair, but they are all gone now…hmm.

Coming back to my new hairdo, I was really impressed, not just with the result but with the way he played with his scissors. He simply is superb in understanding your need, the person you are and the kind of look would go well on you. So, I am not only looking a few years younger (that’s a good thing!) and trendy but I am also having a very low maintenance look for my ‘on the go’ lifestyle (a very good thing!).

And at the end of it I was so excited that I had to celebrate, so went on to dine with my friend. And you know I had a fabulous time this Valentine’s Day. I am loving every bit of it.

So, now you know I had a great time this Valentine’s Day…..

P.S: I will back with my N-counter series once I am back from the fabulous land of Mizos.

Quote-Unquote

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more;
Whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more;
Love more, and all good things will be yours.” - Swedish proverb

Counter that..

I am in the middle of finding out where Mamit is located and I had this thought about updating my BlogSpot. Oops, such a thought; especially when it means sitting in glass cabinets and stealing time from work. But I am just being creative and I have nothing pending on my desk and I am all set for a trip to far North East on work!

I remember updating my Face Book status to 'suddenly she is on a high' a few days ago and which is true. I am most certainly on a high, not high on alcohol as you may think. But this is kinda feeling high and relishing it (I almost had a serious tête-à-tête with one of my friends whether this is any symptomatic variation of mood swings/bipolar or other such disorders). I was not worried but I am getting conscious with comments from friends and alike. I call it 'my high energy phase'. But I like this active, lively, miss-sunshine state of mine. This state identifies my being to the 'T'. Hmmm, I wonder as if I suddenly discovered me…voila!

So, you know I am on a high. And it shows- be it with friends after a tiring (call it boring) day at work for an impromptu tea at our favorite cha-bar, be it about marking an attendance at a film festival sans anyone (I remember one comment 'you went alone?'), be it with travel plans (I have been rather prolific all these weekends, traveling non-stop for short weekend trips and making quite a list), house work (I am still revamping…oops, its never ending or may be I am fussy that I always feel 'that picture frame isn't great, lets change the color of the wall..etc etc') and ultimately I hear my wise (and very nice and great looking) brother say 'you really have energy for all these!' with loads of appreciation mixed with awe in his tone. Hmm, I love praises and especially the genuine ones.

I was meaning to write about some N-counters for quite some time. And before I deviate to another idea I must document these very thought provoking and life changing philosophies of life. I have been specially saving them since December last and still haven't managed to document them.

N-counter #1: I am standing in a line at a bank counter and I am at my most irritated state. I like plastic transactions, any day! And counting currencies are not for me. I would hate it if I have to carry them with me and then deposit them and then find a long queue waiting to greet me at the bank! Hmm, so you know what irritated me that day. And when ultimately my line started to move I found one gentleman stealthily positioning himself near the counter such that he can bypass the line. It made me mad. First, I started to murmur and then in more audible sound protested; this made my predecessor in the line direct his grievances to the gentleman in question. The gentleman turned and said 'no line for senior citizen'. Oops, I almost looked for a cover. Then after his turn he stopped to do some thing at the counter and by that time my turn came. We looked at each other, face to face, eye to eye. And then he smiled and said 'I just came in to deposit what all I saved from this month's expenses'. I was rather taken aback at his simplicity. I came back home remembering those words, especially when we are not having sunny days financially. This little savings and the whole idea of not expanding our needs are so important to realize.

This remained with me for quite sometime and I still remember the golden words, the thought behind it.

Hmm. This is all for this post. I hope I could describe well this time and especially for someone who started to read my blog recently with a hope he will not crib about its 'tantalizingly incomplete' description.

And I will be back with more on N-counters. Promise!

N-counter

Hey there...it’s been quite some time already and I realized how soon its end of a month in this new year. Umm...true...time flies! And it really did.

But for some reasons I am having that 'time well spent' feeling about January. I was sharing my thoughts with my very good friend, who is crisscrossing the Vindhyas, the other day about how January has suddenly filled my life with so much of energy....Well, its way too much to handle actually!! First, I am sort of a hyper-energetic/ hyper-active type and then suddenly there are so much of activities around me...looks usual with a casual glance though...but the more you peer in and you realize...whoa....everyone around me is spinning with ideas and they all want 'me' to be there...Yikes!!

But I am not complaining...I am rather happy as I have never seen me so amazingly striking off my 'to-do' list every evening with such a lovely grin on my face...almost makes me feel like a big achiever everyday.

Well, I have not gotten much time to fill in my blog-sphere with bits-n-bytes as much of the time was spent on the roads, traveling for various things and not so much for road trips though. I was busy attending meetings, sitting for exams (don’t ask me!), standing in the queues, visiting my old college campus, meeting my old teachers, writing/editing a number of documents (amazing...how I finish just on time!), more meetings, shopping for gifts and flowers (there was an anniversary dinner at home!), partying, late-nights, fun times with old friends, meeting some cranky old men (read: professors...not mine...never had such ones teaching me in my life), listening to Obama (dude, I am in love!!), attending a family dinner at the US embassy (read: a big family!), meeting new friends and their friends, drinking coffee at 2am and hopping ...(nah! I am not saying anything here..), traffic jams, flexing plans with flexibility, going to gala events (can you believe: just returned from attending 'one-day' at Jaipur literature festival? Thanks to a very nice person and a writer and a poet!) and realizing how sometimes I forget to breathe in!!

Hmm....seriously...I really have to slow down...not to say stop and do nothing but I wish to give space between what I do and breathe in from time to time.

Ahh...and I was meaning to write about some encounters when I started to write this...but I completely got into another trajectory...well...that will happen in my next when I return from this cute little 'sexy' trip this weekend. I am starting tomorrow and I have not yet undone my travel bag from my last trip...urgh.....I almost can smell that stinking Levis…yikes!