fair and not so fair....

“wish I was'nt dark skinned”.

I remember someone mentioned this when we were asked ‘what was the one thing you would like to change about yourself’ during one of the many leadership training workshops we get to attend on the job. Well, this was way back in 2011 in the city of Sydney and the colleague I am referring here was recounting her story from working in India. In our day-to-day, run of the mills times, such workshops often help us to rewind, introspect, listen to others’ stories and help reflect and gain perspectives in the process. I remember, I did take notice of the face of the person when I heard that sentence in that crowded seminar room. Firstly, it was very different from what every one of us were recounting and also because I needed to contextualize the statement with reference to the face. I do not remember exactly what I had said that day in my response to the same question, but now, especially what happened in last 24 hours, I think I would not think twice to say ‘wish I was not fair..err a fair sex’.

Well, I am very proud of the fact that I am a female. I am glad that I can be independent in this time and age and can decide for myself. Life has been a great education and I grew up knowing I am the only female child in the whole generation in a 'male outnumbering female' family and it is not a bad idea to be a girl, a woman, a female as long as you are sure of yourself.

Before I thrash it out, here are couple of disclaimers: I am an Indian, born and bred ‘locally’ with an overdose of travelling to many cities and countries to know that earth is indeed round! I am not young, not a teenager, at the least, who is overwhelmed at her experience of this world after she has been let out of her proverbial ‘parental cocoon’. But rather, read my story as ‘story of a woman’, a woman who has rounded the sun close to forty times, been to more than twenty five countries, lived independently in many cities which she called home from time to time, have had experienced myriad things under the sun (and also under the shade) to not to get overwhelmed with any new experience. Oh, she was trained as an Anthropologist to explore the unexplored and has been working in various locations for her researches for more than fifteen years. So, you get the picture, right?

Some of my students had told me that I am quite a powerful woman who they would like to emulate in life. Oh, I am also a teacher and teaching a class full of people from diverse background and locations pleases the person I have in my core. And now, the same ‘powerful’ woman is pouring out after she felt defeated, violated, not once but three times within the span of 24 hours. Well, similar things had happened before, and I had gained experience and made peace with them. And when I had discussed these with close friends, I was advised to take all these experience to my stride and not get hurt or to feel bitter. Anyway…

Story # 1

Picture this: I am on the road to the airport to catch my flight – the first flight out from this state capital in Eastern India. Earlier, I had booked a car for my airport drop from this five-star hotel I was staying in. As I started my journey for the airport, I called home to inform on my flight timings and expected time of arrival and just when I disconnected, the car screeched to a very abrupt halt bumping to the car we were trailing. I looked up to see what was ahead only to notice two big cows peacefully crossing the road and two hefty men emerging out of the car before us. Some heated altercation ensued and before things started to get ugly the driver of my car pleaded that he had a passenger for the morning flight and that we were running late and quickly made an exit from the scene. I was jolted, firstly, with a not-so-severe jaw injury (there was no backseat belt in the car) and then from the suddenness of the whole drama and the heated argument between two sets of drivers. I reached the airport and got engrossed in usual security rituals of ID cards, tickets, baggage scanning etc. Just when I was beginning to feel composed and waiting for my turn at the check-in queue, I heard someone shouting on top of his lungs ‘excuse me madam’….’excuse me madam’ as if he owns the airport. Everyone turned towards him and he came straight towards me and started to howl further to the point that I could see his eyeballs – yes, he was that close. Remember, I said, it was the first flight out – so, it was almost an empty airport and who so ever were present near the check-in counter started to watch the ‘high pitch’ drama. My response was that I was not driving, and it was not my car and also, the first car made an abrupt halt because of cows grazing on to the roads and cars involved were not banged badly as I did not see damage on the car and no one got badly hurt and that I was a visitor to this city and car belonged to the hotel I stayed during my trip. He kept shouting and asked which hotel I stayed in. At that point I logically could not continue talking with this ill-behaved person so I very sharply said ‘you can’t talk to me like this, please behave like a gentleman. You are shouting at me and this is an airport and not a scene of a drunken brawl’. And I stopped and turned towards the check-in counter. It worked. He went away and tried calling on his mobile phone making some more noise but refrained from making any direct communication with me. To tell you the truth, I was terrified to the core. I guess I can’t handle high pitch exchanges. And I was terrorised further when I figured that the person in question was my co-passenger and we would be sharing the same space for next four hours or so (if not longer).

As I was checking in, I just pleaded with the airline staff that in case this man is also a passenger on the same flight, I would not like to be seated next to him as he has been harassing me following me trailing the car and now in the airport. The airline suggested I report this to the CISF officials at the airport. But I chose not to report this and I gathered my hand luggage and seated myself in one corner to catch my breath and get some peace.

Now, as I recount this less than 10 min episode over and over again in my head, and with friends, I feel bizarre. And I am sure many who have travelled on road in India have been party to such scene. It was not really an error on the part of my driver – the first car halted abruptly and you follow suit and often such ‘bumping into each other’ does not involve much physical damage. I guess, as a fellow driver you contextualize the situation and let it pass. In the current case, on the contrary, there was every possibility of a road rage and possible physical assault. I did not want to divulge the name of the hotel as it could have led to some bad blood and the poor driver could have been in trouble in this game of power. Also, think about me – I was checking in to board my flight. In what sense would you come after me to fight? Also, when I mentioned my situation, I am sure it sounded rather foolish to ‘gherao’ the passenger and rather a visitor in the new city. Also, could not this interaction be milder, and done in polite ways? Why the man has to harass me? Why that man has to follow me into the airport almost to the point to terrorise me. I am sure people at the check in counter and those by-standers could observe that I was shaking in fear and anxiety handling such a violent outpour from a stranger and tugging along my luggage.

Now, my question is: what would have happened if there was a man in my place?

Story #2

Fast forward four hours, including one and half hours at the cruising height of 30,000 feet up above, I find myself in another car on the road of another city on my way home from another airport. The car is stuck in traffic and from both sides I have very ‘eager’ onlookers. I know, you would say, what is so new about it, especially when you are in a country of 2 billion people? Well, I am aware to expect crowded roads, traffic congestions but strangers communicating with you in the middle of a traffic jam – to the point of making music to the tune of whistle? Excuse me. However strong and independent you are, you get bothered when you are ogled at, you are whistled at, and you are teased. And however much you ask me to ignore, I have observed that its way difficult to ignore and let it pass. Only thing you wish, you weren’t there. I mean, it was rather terrifying with burly men on their bikes parked on both sides of your car at a traffic light and they are making enough noise and gesture to knock you off from your snooze. I remember thinking aloud to let my driver know that I was feeling uncomfortable and that he should take care to see where he parks at the next traffic light. Anyway, a part of me was trying to make sure that all the doors were locked from inside.

Now my question is: what do you think, I tend to over react or would you like to place your daughter, or wife or sister or mother in my place and ask how she felt? Did she also feel that gut wrenching fear, that nauseating anger and feeling stuck and a strong urge to be invisible and evaporate in the broad daylight?

Story #3

I reach home, make a couple of phone calls and update some emails. Laze around for some time and then make some food to recharge myself. I pause to capture my wandering mind to compose myself before I start working. After the end of work day, I decide to run some errands and headed for the market. My phone rings, it’s an unknown number and the caller is addressing me as ‘professor’ and congratulating me for what he perceived I achieved in my profession. Long story short, this was a phone call from someone who I first met some nineteen years ago and knew from my university time. He is visiting India for a week and intends to meet up with old friends as he has bunch of updates including his marriage, his new baby boy and the great position as advisor at the ministry back in his home country. As we spoke I came to know he searched for me on google and learned about my work and called my office at 9am to give me a surprise call. Since I was away from my office (story no 1 and story no 2 can tell you that!) what he planned to surprise me did not work and instead the receptionist at work connected him to my mobile phone. I tell you, in this time and age of easy connectivity and virtual world, this is a scary truth that you have no idea who all you are sharing your information with without even knowing about it! And I am not any celebrity! Anyway, an impromptu reunion was planned between two old friends from the university. We planned to meet at this open air crafts emporium in the evening as he had a meeting planned with the college principal in the late afternoon. Little did I know that this impromptu meeting with an old friend from univ would leave me feeling violated at the end of the day.

Now, you will ask what happened. Yes, I will spit..err spill it all ….…so, read on.

I guess hugs and handshakes are part of any reunion and meetings with old friends. But, kisses, inappropriate touches despite your objection? He was all emotional and trying to remember each and every interaction from last decades and somewhere overemphasized that I was his ‘first’ friend in this new country when he enrolled as a student in the univ way back in 1996. I watched for a while, but as usual, my straightforward streak could not be subdued for long so I cracked an awkward question ‘I guess, such deep friends do know about their friends’ lives and not spring up surprises after decades’. Our meeting was rather short and he insisted that he will drop me home despite my refusing him chaperoning me. At one point, I did start to sniff that this wasn’t a very benevolent friendly reunion that is unfolding but rather a lusty man trying to sell emotional stories to seduce a woman. I guess, any friend who truly knows what it means to be a friend, would respect what you say, and value your words and would never violate their friends. Despite repeated requests he kept hugging me, kept holding my hands however many times I would free them from his clasps, and even tried to touch me in objectionable ways. I had to end this ‘reunion’ and made a hasty move to return home and headed for the metro. After almost ten minutes or so, as I was waiting for the next metro, I saw him peering to get a look of the side of the platform which is meant for ‘women coach’. At that moment, I felt so unsafe and I cursed myself for taking this decision to meet this ‘old friend’ instead of getting some rest after an already ‘eventful’ day.

So, what do you think, I made a bad decision to go meet an old friend? If I go to meet an old friend, does it mean I am asking him to kiss me or touch me? Is not my saying ‘no’ means no? Why an old friend has to be slapped to make him understand that I have all the right over my own body and it’s not friendly to touch a friend’s body just like that?

So what do you say now? I say, it’s no fun to be shouted at, it’s no fun feeling terrified and terrorised and fending all by yourself, it’s no fun to be ogled at, and of course it’s no fun at all to get kissed when you don’t want it!

You know, why I wish I wasn’t fair…err.. a fair sex!? Wait, do you still think I am strong and powerful? I am really tired of all these….

One hell of a BITCH :-)

This is from one of those forwarded emails and I just couldnt stop laughing :-)
Well, here's something to all the super-duper bitches in this world (including moi!)
And btw, I like the second abbreviation the most, I like, I like :-)

"When I stand up for
Myself and my beliefs,
They call me a
Bitch.

When I stand up for
Those I love,
They call me a
Bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
Or do things my own way, they call me a
Bitch.

Being a bitch
Means I won't
Compromise what's
In my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to
Tolerate injustice and
Speak against it, I am
Defined as a
bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be...

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle 'anything'"

simplifying the complexity

Hmmm....I didnt think of visiting my blog today but someone had left a comment on an old post and that brought me here. Interesting, how I deviate from my plans, how I just put aside those dirty dishes on my kitchen sink and devote some time to my blog. Well, not that I dont like to write err blog...I rather like to be consistent about my writing as I nurture my dream to have my own book, a bestseller. People who read my blog tell me that I write well, that I kinda can weave things and its interesting. Recently my big brother went through my blog and read some of the posts and he even recommended me to start writing on a particular genre, I am glad, I am happy and these words of appreciation inspire me to write more, to create more, to weave more with my words. Yes, words...

Things are going crazy lately, life is so hectic that I am losing count of days and how its already mid November and I have no idea its just feels yesterday I was thinking about going to the mountains to beat the summer heat in Delhi. Hmmm, truly, time indeed flies...You know, you are lucky to get this feeling as this means things are going good...and you are going with the flow...I remember one friend saying this one day. Yes, I am grateful that things are all good, li'l hectic and tiring but its all good, as they say in NYC.

Talking about pace, speed, life's ongoing string of things, and in the midst of all these madness I sometimes think its good to have no format, no pattern and its fun to be spontaneous, and be there for that moment. Its good sometimes to have no plans...or the way the ultimate 'virgo' in me would put: its ok not to follow the plans! Well, I really dont know, whats good and what's not...as end of the day if I can flash that smile which you call bewitching, I am happy with that. If at the end of the day I can fall asleep next to you, I am happy with that. If at the end of the day that funny, non-descriptive curry I churn out in my new kitchen tastes like thousand bucks, I am happy. Actually, its really a simple thing to be happy in life and I dont know why people choose a complex route for happiness. Anyway....

May be I should be asking this to myself...as I sometimes become such an epitome of perfection that things go really rigid, really structured and my scheme of things do look like a fortress...as if I am that super warrior with a no-non sense air...hmmm...

Well, I am good as long as I take time to point fingers at myself. No one is perfect, you see....

Talking about complexities, I do get bit worked up when things are not so simple around me, when things are unclear, when things around you give you doubts, when things around you make you think twice. I am sure it doesnt give you a good feeling, when in one hand you expect a bunch of roses but you are poked with thorns. Who like to have such surprises? Not me at the least.

I know roses are enchanting, beautiful and so ethereal... but I would rather appreciate those lanky stems of tuberoses. I like things simple, things which are clear...things which dont confuse you. Well....thats how I have been leading my life and I have no complaints. Its been awesome so far, its been a great ride so far, as I call it 'awesome lonesome' and I am really fortunate to have it shaping up this way. I am glad, thankful, all humbled!

a wee bit of.....

It is celebration time here. And I am looking for...ummm...a wee bit of ...

Celebration time should be splendid, with loads of fun, friends,food, love, joy, life full of happiness..

And here I am looking for a wee bit of this and that and all of these. Its sad and yet this is real. I am looking for wee bit of company, wee bit of love, wee bit of joy, happiness, laughter and I wish to enjoy my life a wee bit more.

Hmm...its true, more you become independent life gets lonely and the path becomes dark even when everyone else is celebrating festival of light.

Life sometimes is really full of contradictions!

Its been time...

Hummmppppp....

Well, it looked like a pretty long time and this time I was not off and away travelling. So I am here without any excuse for such a long absence from blogging scene. But, truly I was hit by a 'very busy and hectic' time where I only cared for getting my share of sleep...at least six hours per night!

Life is fine. I guess I only tossed this blog thingy out of my scheme of things. But I have been writing nonetheless, on different platforms, different stuff, though. I am happy that I am working on my publications and also coming back to keep in touch with my blog.

Nothing much happened after I last updated. Except for a few trips to tribal (and naxal) hinterland for some research work, a few luncheon parties that I had at my place, a few late nights and a major family event (not a happy one) where I got to meet as close to hundred of my relatives at one go, (ouch) and realized what a BIG family I 'actually' have and ahoy! why 'globe trotting' comes so easily to me.

I have been teaching off late and finding it quite interesting. There are different kinds of students to interact with from different corners of the globe, different age groups and backgrounds, language, eating preferences. Faculty members are also an interesting bunch, I kinda like their company (I like the vibe!).

And I am doing 62 odd miles a day, cooking for myself, living on my own, and doing pretty well in terms of time management. I am also driving these days, hopefully will drive pretty regularly, that's the plan.

I am looking forward to life at this moment...well, September is my birth month and I have lots to feel good for me.

Coming to talk about birthday, it reminds me what a milestone of a year this year is for me. In terms of demography I have lived 50% of my life looking at average life expectancy. And here one is generally expected to look li'l worn out but I don't know how/why I have a major challenge to look my age. I know many women will envy me and tell me to take this to my stride and take it as a compliment. Even I am curious how many women would actually like to look their age after scoring thirty odd years and when 'anti-ageing' Rx is in vogue.
Looking young does not work to my advantage here- tell me, who wants to look 'fresh out of college' when addressing a class of mid-career professionals where as a matter of fact one is very much at the other side of thirty..

Hmm....someone teased me good naturedly the other day: "Thirty is new Sixteen"...ahem...(it feels good though but not when my students think so). I remember the advice of one of my old friend, who I am sure had (is still) had similar luck when he started with academics, to go on and speak your mind as when you speak they know where it is coming from. Yes, so true...I exactly know the feeling and I am quite liking it!!

I hope to write more and put my thoughts as they grow in my head into words; I surely hope so..

Miles and Bumps..

It’s a ‘miles and bump’ story this side- just sorta update after a month long not-so-active phase on blogspot. No mistaking there, its miles (and miles) and bumps only and no Mills and Boons. Huh.. I am doing 60 miles a day and a lot of bumpy rides. And I have been doing this for past few weeks now after preparing myself for the joyride for last four months or so.


Ahh...you really need to talk straight here. Alright then, I tell you all.


I have moved to academics and taken up my current appointment as a faculty in a public health institute after giving a longish possible thought. BTW, my current employer seems to be a patient lot and given me time as I made up my mind for this ‘cross-country run’. It was a big decision for me, almost like life changing of sorts, but not so life changing from my standard given my stints in cut-off areas and in remote tribal pockets. My parents have become super-immune to any kind of shock my professional decisions can bring and this time they were like, ‘WTF, go play your shot!’


Well, it was me who was kinda mixed bundle of confusion, anxiety, nerves, and things like that. To be very honest I was not sure whether this is going to be a good decision, a correct step in my career at this point in time, a right move when I just wanted to settle down in life with loads of time in my kitchen and spending time with family! But then it was me who finally took the decision and landed up at the new workspace all cheerful and bright one morning after crossing 30 miles through three states (ahhh...who needs all the info?).


I am kinda settling down in this new sphere and hoping to find my groove soon. I wish to develop my niche as an anthropologist working in the domain of public health and working in India and in the subcontinent is immensely challenging given our tryst with tuberculosis and HIV in the current times.


And with miles and bumps notwithstanding, road ahead is a pleasant sight. Surprisingly, life is looking so clear and I am experiencing that kind of a phase when you are driving and the highway looks all yours.


This reminds me, I need to 'seriously' start driving my new car. Ummm, I have a gorgeous man giving me driving lesson...umm..

Ouch! Just going on for nose-dive…

I guess it is inevitable and I also knew its coming!

Yikes, I almost know how someone is reacting after reading this one sentence….Well, for your benefit Sir, I am explaining…so, don’t again say what you once said!!

I have been going through a very longish ‘high energy’ phase and it had to come to an end. It’s only normal. What is not normal is the erratic way it knocks me out. And I find me doomed in the middle of an important deadline and lose all my smartness and forget to flaunt my trademark smile (someone said ‘bewitching’) and for some reason get bogged down by the stare of that new-chick (I have a new term for her: ‘sophisticated-uncouth bitch’). I really hate when I am on such a sticky wicket… (Ouch, what’s happening down under with these men in Blue, losing matches after matches!!? I was referring to T20 matches in New Zealand and the losing streak India is continuing with…See, I am explaining!)

I guess I know what’s been happening…I mean in my zone, in my life, that is.

I have been happily spreading thin and not realizing the after effect as my energy level was high. I was wondering the other day when I was ruminating on my energy spurts as if I had taken some dope. Seriously, I can go on a high without anything and behave in such a manner which could be so very similar to someone just high on, say, marijuana. But I am naturally like this. My happy ‘high’ phase is very high and it shows. You will notice that bang on, no mistaking my presence.

But what comes after that is a very sudden, out-of-control ‘doomed’ phase. And I feel so utterly sorry for this. I have been on a roller-coaster ride and suddenly when I park myself within some unknown shell it surprises everyone around me and I am so very ‘shelled’ that I don’t offer an explanation and I know it could be irksome.

But for the benefit of my friends around me I have issued an 'update' (oops, so sophisticated, who cares?); have you seen my FaceBook off late? I know, its irrational. It can be seen as an act of immature mind. But I just wanted such an ‘absolute-ME-time’ that I have to enter into my shell without mincing any more words. And I am telling this way on my blog so that you all know I have not been avoiding any of you. But I just needed to have me with me, just in my skin, in my raw self, in my emotions, in my tears and… and…

I hope you will help me get my me-time and I wish to give time to you (I wish to meet you, sorry for the goof up this weekend) and see you when I have that nice smile to compliment my new hairdo. I don’t want to effect you with my moods. I care for you.

And I remember a phrase which is so apt: ‘conserve energy’. I need to learn that, its high time I do. And I also remembered just in time to 'cut the details' for a story well said!!

N-counter

Hey there...it’s been quite some time already and I realized how soon its end of a month in this new year. Umm...true...time flies! And it really did.

But for some reasons I am having that 'time well spent' feeling about January. I was sharing my thoughts with my very good friend, who is crisscrossing the Vindhyas, the other day about how January has suddenly filled my life with so much of energy....Well, its way too much to handle actually!! First, I am sort of a hyper-energetic/ hyper-active type and then suddenly there are so much of activities around me...looks usual with a casual glance though...but the more you peer in and you realize...whoa....everyone around me is spinning with ideas and they all want 'me' to be there...Yikes!!

But I am not complaining...I am rather happy as I have never seen me so amazingly striking off my 'to-do' list every evening with such a lovely grin on my face...almost makes me feel like a big achiever everyday.

Well, I have not gotten much time to fill in my blog-sphere with bits-n-bytes as much of the time was spent on the roads, traveling for various things and not so much for road trips though. I was busy attending meetings, sitting for exams (don’t ask me!), standing in the queues, visiting my old college campus, meeting my old teachers, writing/editing a number of documents (amazing...how I finish just on time!), more meetings, shopping for gifts and flowers (there was an anniversary dinner at home!), partying, late-nights, fun times with old friends, meeting some cranky old men (read: professors...not mine...never had such ones teaching me in my life), listening to Obama (dude, I am in love!!), attending a family dinner at the US embassy (read: a big family!), meeting new friends and their friends, drinking coffee at 2am and hopping ...(nah! I am not saying anything here..), traffic jams, flexing plans with flexibility, going to gala events (can you believe: just returned from attending 'one-day' at Jaipur literature festival? Thanks to a very nice person and a writer and a poet!) and realizing how sometimes I forget to breathe in!!

Hmm....seriously...I really have to slow down...not to say stop and do nothing but I wish to give space between what I do and breathe in from time to time.

Ahh...and I was meaning to write about some encounters when I started to write this...but I completely got into another trajectory...well...that will happen in my next when I return from this cute little 'sexy' trip this weekend. I am starting tomorrow and I have not yet undone my travel bag from my last trip...urgh.....I almost can smell that stinking Levis…yikes!

Me(N)merizing…

I wonder what make men meet another woman….

I have no problem with friendships with men, with their chivalrous gestures. But I am talking about special attentions from men which are uncalled for, do you get it?

I am talking about those thin lines between mischievous and flirtatious pokes and those disgusting, very suggestive activities. I am talking about when much married men try their hands on other women. And I ask what make these men take interest in another woman? Hmmm…really a good question when we see number of application for separation and divorce is going north in geometric proportion, and we hear stories of bad marriages and ‘caught him red handed’ tales from our female friends and colleagues.

Sometimes, I think twice before I plan to attend a get together at my married friend’s place. Well, I take care, you know. I have seen myself. I have experienced myself how my very confident female friend found herself in a not-so-great situation and how she did not feel confident about it. And I didn’t feel great about it either; not comfortable in such company when my idea of attending such functions or get-together is spoiled.

I do not go to these get-together with an intention to score a point over any of my married female friends with their husbands wearing lecherous hats. I am chirpy, friendly, extrovert, I have confidence to strike up a conversation in a gathering, and I have self respect. And I do look good sans cellulite! These definitely make me look attractive on any day of solar calendar! And most importantly, I really DO believe these are not reasons for a man to stray and forget his vows he had once pronounced when he took that holy bow.

Well friends, it’s disgusting. I hope my friends read this and know how I feel about all these. And why sometimes I am so choosy about who all are coming to a party, you know?

Hmmm…. Give me a break from double standards, lecherous men, ‘good-husband-trying-on-their-wife’s-friends’. Just know that I have friends (both male and female) who can give me good company, respect and great time. And another thing, I like my company to a hilt, so, you don’t have to worry even if I am single and looking. It is to say I am not looking at you. So, stay away and let me walk my way. Got me?

I can ‘DIY’ for it

Picture this: Evening time on Saturday, nice cold wind playing with soft silky curtains on my bedroom door, dimly lit rooms and I am admiring my silhouette on balcony walls as I try to explain how I have this throaty voice as an old buddy throws an alarm in the air thinking I was down hearing my voice on phone.

Nah! I am rather all perked up and rearing to go..... I am set for some crowd at my place after doing up the place. Well, more than that actually. Hmmm…

A mere mention about my place gets a dancer’s swirl in his voice (gawd, this man knows how to shake his booty, I swear!) and he wants to land up here in a jiffy from the land of four squares err…pillars. He is in all wonders and wants to know how come I am all so smitten and engaged with this place and how beautiful it must be that I have been revamping/renovating ever since I have acquired.

I say: some things just know how to get attention, don’t you know?

Well dude, this is for you: just to say my place is an ordinary place and I am keeping it all spruced up with my imagination from time to time with some innovation. But don’t rate it as anything great. It’s my sweet li’l pad and I loooooove it. So, that’s the reason in all probability it’s mentioned more often in my conversations.

I just wish you to visit without any major expectations and believe me I am not in a mood to show off my place or readying it for any home-décor magazine shoot. (Ahhh, I have to take pictures anyway, just reminded of a request of other friends, tsk tsk!! Chris and Rikke, this is for you as well). What I can assure you are nice food (hand made, home cooked by one-and-only ‘me’) and comfortable stay if you wish to spend time over some movie and drinks. And when you do visit and spend some time around and seen things with your ‘critical’ eyes I would like to know what you think about the place you have been hearing from me all these months. Fair enough.

Now some update from what kept me so busy last week if you did not hear much from me after I returned from the hills.

I just completed adding a nice 'closet cum bookshelf cum dressing cabinet' complete with mirror (I for some reason find it rather sexy!) and I am really happy with it as its not only my design but I single handedly gotten this job done without much splurging (my wise brother commented) with generous helping of a smart carpenter (he is getting more work at my place if I plan to add another furniture in future).

What next? A luncheon party? Some cozy time with movies on my sexy home theatre? Another renovation? Hmmm…

I am heading for bath…err bathroom, it needs a make-over I feel. Let’s see, how my planning goes around the bathroom. I will keep wondering till some nice brainwave strikes and I know for sure that’s the right design (I have already started with some sketches). I will wait for my ‘eureka’ moment. And till then keep guessing: what I am ‘DIY-ing’ for.

P.S: Just a piece of query: does anyone know of any website about home renovation, especially bathroom fixtures etc? I am quite a regular with ApartmentTherapy, want to know any other nice website/s. Thanks!

Where is SIR?

Umm…I would not have even attempted to write something on this line if today for the n-th time I had not heard this. I guess it made up to the level to ‘inspire’ me for a blog post instead of writing what my super cute boss has been insisting on for a few days now (just two days to be precise, I will finish that the first thing after this one, promise!).

Well, the question was: “where is ‘sir’ (it was not ‘sir’ but a variation of sorts in Hindi)? Ohh, he must be at work” Whoa?

To tell you the whole thing I have to mince a few more words. So, allow me.

I am on my own. And off late, I am REALLY on my own (Read: started to stay in the flat I had bought earlier this year). This requires me to commission works when I want to fix some particular furniture or an appliance the way I want. Which further means I need to meet/talk with carpenters, electricians, plumbers, painters, etc etc and bring them home and tell them their job and supervise. Quite a process.

I am a perfectionist when it comes to a job and I can be really ‘bossy’ in my just five feet (or even less than that) stature and a nice façade (Read: face).

In India (especially) it is normal for people to be overtly curious. I have been courting volleys..err queries around who all are the occupants in my flat. I guess it’s because these workers around here do not think a female can be a sole occupant when I ONLY bring them home and I am the ONLY person they see in the place. And then it’s a full fledged house, so they are ‘entitled’ to think its housing a family and not just ‘only the female’ they meet.

And depending upon how blunt the question my repertoire varies between being sharp and rude to being snappy and snubbing. I have heard them all and tackled them with an effortless ‘dodging’ of a footballer in a way “dude, just tell me whether it functions properly or not; it’s immaterial whether for 10 people or one. And don’t ask me how many people will drink water from this water purifier in a day?”

Ummm…that was easy.

Then came a smart one from this electrician (who apparently knows my family, my dad and all): “who all will be staying here? Are you all shifting here?”

Umm…I had no clear answer. Because, I don’t want to give him any info. So I very nicely swallowed the question, yikes!

He’s a very curious sort, so he did not stop at that: "you are not married, right? Is this ok for you to stay here all alone?"

Urghhh…I least expected this one. So it was a shocker of sorts. But he has a point; he wants your info, that’s his birth-right. When you don’t even look married (well, here in India women sport certain symbols when they are taken…well, I mean married) why on earth you chose to live separately (he has been working for us for five past years or so, so has the right to talk like my granny!) I murmured something and I felt really angry while answering, so I preferred not to repeat it clearly in more audible voice (dont want to spoil a relationship; I very timely remembered advice of my so-very-good-at-man-management brother) and started to call some numbers while toying with my mobile. I later heard from dad that the electrician had paid him a visit and showed concerns around my new flat and that he (my dad) had not made a right decision.

Many more such comments followed and forgotten (as they did not ‘affect’ me so much) and I was just getting more used to the ‘game’; becoming a veteran of sorts.

Then it was the turn of my ‘I-don’t-know-what-to-say’ neighbor. He meets my brother during his weekend visits and very happily he goes on blabbering: “good that you started to stay here, it was lying vacant for so many months. So, it’s you and your wife?” Wow!! what imagination, I say, really creative imagination!!

It’s hard to engage my brother in a conversation in the middle of a staircase and when his smile can make you forget what your next sentence was. So, that was it.
And this one is so typical: watch this. This neighbor always watches me in the place, day in and day out and not my brother but he only chooses to ask questions to him. Such “gender sensitive” some people are! Anyway, my brother and him have become very goody-goody-hi-hello pals ever since.

But coming back to what made me start it all: I am revamping the look (not mine) of my flat and planned some more work and hence engaged a few more workers. I needed to go to their workshop and place an order and they needed to come and fix it after a week. They came (I brought them as they never came to this part of town or village?).
They entered, and looked in, and kept on looking as if they wanted someone to come out of the corridor, or the bathroom or whatever nook and corner not visible from the entrance. Well, what’s the matter?

Where is ‘sir’? I was like: windows are here, why do you need ‘sir’ in the house? I kept silent, I did not know how to react. Thank heavens, he incorporated his own answers: "Ohh, he must be at work.."

Umm…what?? I am paying you for what you are planning to fix on my windows and then I gave you correct measurements. I even got this helpful doorman remain standby in case he needs a hand. Now, why you need a ‘sir’ to appear from nowhere?

Anyway, here I am waiting for ‘sir’ to appear from nowhere to come home after his work. And then I have a ‘weekend-husband’ visiting me with such sexy smile (now I know from where my ‘I-don’t-know-what-to-say’ neighbor got so imaginative).

Now you know how it feels in my new place, on my own with ‘husband’ and ‘sir’ trooping in from all over. And I say: I don’t really know what to say. I am sort of speechless.

Umm….that’s something new..err news of sorts.

What’s say?