Of crossing roads and cross connections...

'Crossroad' has been a very common word in my usage off late. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or bad. But literally I am finding myself at cross roads more often these days than ever before. I guess, you get what you think!! Ha ha ha..

Well, coming to think of ‘thinking’, I am thinking a lot more as well. Well, that’s normal of sorts, isn’t it? So many people have already mentioned that and have known this trait of mine. And I am OK with it rather than being defensive or not lending an ear for words of criticism. You know, some things are supposed to be the way it is. And I am happy the way I am. I am God’s own creation (this offends my mom the most ....huh!)

And another recent trend is that: a lot many people are telling things to me about me. Hmm, I wonder may be its time I really hear what they mean. Or may be its too many people in my life? And I am realizing its difficult to balance things in life when things are out of proportion. It holds good especially for me. Because I am an organized, sorta disciplined, and I am used to my ways of life where I am the only person involved; and the most contradictory aspect about it is that I am social and like to go out and meet friends. Arghh…its a dilemma to have a balance here. Because everybody cannot be like you and I am not in-charge of a military mission. So….

So, here I am sitting in front of a computer at my work-station with a bad headache, shoulder pain and what not. I realized how stressed I am myself and how stressful I could be for others. But then, is there a way out? I, for some reason, am for peaceful existence, healthy living and bonhomie. So, what shall I do? I should hide in one of those shells and get cocooned? Or go in for a diplomatic, ‘pseudo’, superficial way which is pleasant on the surface but without any bond of friendship, no straight-talking?

And after all these I hate to say: I am confused with myself. And yes, I figured out how difficult I could get and so-very-high-maintenance. Sometimes, these terms just don’t register the right meaning and often we (I) get defensive but actions or instances offer such glaring examples. Umm, now I have empirical evidence to say I could be cited as difficult and high-maintenance personality. I am so very happy to know that and I am grateful to people in my life as without them I would have never realized this. Sometimes, you need to bump into people to know your own self.

It just happened to me recently, three times in a row. Wow!