Where do I go?

My mornings are not brighter these days...well, literally!

I wake up when its still dark, not night though but thats how wintry mornings are and I yawn sitting on my cosy bed in my dimly lit room, Good morning! Its day already!
Sun is playing hide-n-seek with clouds err fog, err .. smogs! And I wake up when its still dark. Its still not day!

And still I cant start the day...I mean, I dont feel fresh, I dont feel lively, I dont feel energized...oops, as if I am run on sloar batteries!!!

And some smog within my head covers my mind and I am at sea with questions. Questions which are so many. Questions which are multiplying. Questions which are recurring. Questioning mind!

And its like: where do I go?

Have you ever felt when you know you are an adult and there is no one to take decision for you? When you know you have grown up and people expect you to follow your own path? When you know there is no one to share your daily stories, no one to crib with about your colleagues when you reach home? When you know people around expect you to handle things on your own? When people dont show you direction when life suddenly makes you stand at the cross-roads?

Is this part of growing up? Really big? Or that one is lonely and nowhere to go?

I am living with an emotion, an emotion when you lose your parents. Thats what I witnessed THREE times last fortnight. Yes, THREE. And I am touched.

As one of my friend puts it: its inevitable, and its part of life. Yes, its life that teaches us from such examples that nothing remians for long. Nothing. Not you. Not I. Nobody.

And I still ask a question, in mourning: where do I go? I cant see a thing, its so hazy with smog...