Spring Cleaning :-)

Spring cleaning!
Well, quite literally, actually I am in the middle of shifting to a new space both in personal as well as professional domain. You know, given my track record of travelling and moving with jobs, this should not make you any curious or jittery. Relax.

My office is relocating to a brand new seven storey building; I need to really pay attention to that email I received as I woke up on a Saturday morning. It’s the boss kinda telling in too many nice words to ‘get organised’. Though the email was sent to all who are currently housed in this beautiful ‘green building’ but I am sure many at work would know what this entails for me :-)

Well, moving to a new space which is not as spacious as your current work space can be a problem when you are dealing with a hoarder! C’mmon, I aint one, don’t you know how many projects I get to handle over this six years or so? And then I am very old world, I still like to do pen on paper and all my meetings with my students end up into documents which I keep referring until they complete their dissertation , even after that actually! So you get the scene, I keep accumulating stuff and quite like to keep them as I completely feel any tiny little interaction has the potential to inspire something and I am open to ideas all the time. You need to see my white board at work and how I scribble things on it and it’s a technique I have found which really helps me focus, helps me de-clutter and stay inspired.

Anyway, long story short, the mandate is ‘bring things which are useful to the new work space and leave the rest and they will dutifully find their way to the shredding machine’ .
Similar is the scene at home. There has been no email or no boss dictating or no new space on offer. Its just that regular spring cleaning – an extended one, you can say!

And what the hell of a cleaning it has been….huh!!

I remember reading a quote a few days ago and it went like this “you never know what you have until you clean your room”. This is so true, I have been staying put with my set of things (with intermittent additions from my many travels and some upgrade on the house etc)from pretty much the time I returned back to Delhi NCR in 2006 after staying in many different places for my work which almost started to have an annual pattern with a certain alphabet :-) I mean to cities starting with a certain alphabet! Anyway…

To continue with the de-clutter mode, I am trying to sort my books from travel documents, research papers from novels I read during traveling to some international conferences, painting and souvenirs from letters – hand written letters at that. And I am overwhelmed! First – so many people have been part of my life. Work colleagues, co-travellers, relatives (I have a very big family who don’t live in one place!), friends – so much memories and I am in no mood to abandon any of them. So what if I don’t travel back to see my old landlady in that beautiful summer house in Sweden but the joy that she thought of writing back to me years after I lived at her place is very endearing

. Notes, post cards, photos – and I am at loss how to organise everything. I have a dream to capture all of these, every experience of mine in a book. Yes, there I found this letter – a very lengthy, handwritten one, and someone very dearly telling me that I must do a travelogue as I write quite well. As they say, some things just don’t change and I am still nursing that dream!

I don’t know what was it that I started to write this blog this evening and now I am quite nostalgic, philosophic about life…err spring cleaning! But I guess, you got the point that there are so many people, so many things that shape you, that impact you and you only get enriched with each of these interactions, each of the trips you undertake, each of them….
Yes, sometimes in the passage of time some people or for that matter some memories are shuffled and sorted at a different layer which gets covered by the newer friends or newer priorities but they all remain there. It’s a different matter how you reminisce – I do with looking at old notes, old photos, books, letters etc.

I am glad that I met you all and I am happy that I remember you all and I have memories to cherish about you all :-) And wait, in addition to travel writing, I pretty much can even help guide/organize trips starting from the Great Wall of China to the Great Barrier Reef :-)

Flour Fortification for 'Sahariya's - Food for thought!

I generally dont do work related posts here. But the Anthropologist overpowered this blogger ever since she chanced upon an old field note from an old research work among one of the primitive tribal population in India. I remember writing this for one of our online journals. Re-posting here.

Life is a mirage: Mirage is commonplace in a desert and more so when I was in the arid terrain of Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh where the Sahariya tribe, one of the most primitive tribal groups, resides.
In the wee hours, when birds were yet to start chirping, cruising in a not-so-well maintained jeep through the dense forests of Ranthambore, passing through flocks of peacocks, wild deer and Nilghais, could mean a thrilling experience. In reality, it was more like a decorated top layer of the proverbial ‘Pandora’s box’ when we reached Sheopur from Sawai Madhopur (Ranthambore National Park is situated in Sawai Madhopur district in Rajasthan).

The grandeur we observed in Sawai Madhopur and in its vicinity stood in stark opposition to what our eyes met at Sheopur- a good one and hour ride away. Seeing a tiger or a flock of peacocks did not cause any excitement for a Sahariya; not just because these were part of their environment but because they had other more ‘exciting’ priorities in life. And after a 5 hour long train journey, followed by an hour and half long road trip through one of the gorgeous tiger reserve forests in India, we found ourselves in the land of ‘endemic anemia’ if I could use this term so profusely. According to national statistics this community scored alarmingly below the normal nutritional and health indicators. The NFHS-III data on the proportion of rural women in the age group of 15-49 shows that 44.98% of women have Chronic Energy Deficiency (CED) which is the second highest in India. Also, 61% of rural women (15-49 years) are anaemic in the state.

Past perfect: Madhya Pradesh and I have a past. I used to live and work there. But this time it was different. Amidst those arid terrains, in 50 degree centigrade, it was both physically challenging and emotionally overwhelming.
In their daily life, Sahariyas go through a lot of hardship. In terms of the terrain which has extreme climate with a very hot summer and very cold winter. In arid terrains, regular supply of drinking water is difficult and so are green leafy vegetables and fruits. Withstanding high temperature in summers with lack of balanced diet, Sahariyas indeed readied them to be a malnourished community.

“Those nine days”- It is officially known as ‘nau-tapa’ (literally: nine days of extreme heat wave) in the state of Madhya Pradesh and local calendars mark these nine days in the lines of gazetted holidays in MP. From our comforting air-conditioned environs, this ‘nau tapa’ was quite an antithesis. My training as an Anthropologist came handy where I was taught to do what locals do to adapt in a new setting. And those white cotton scarves came handy and I would wrap them around my head and face to look like one of those bandits who used to rule these terrain eons ago. (Now I know the mystery behind their head gear!) Those white cotton scarves helped when I could not find any tree to take shelter as we sat down to interview a group of women in the village in Shivpuri.
I learn a lot about life from my field work, from what I jot down sitting under that lone Neem tree in a village when all the children would gather around me in their joie-de-vivre, oblivious to what those frantic scribbling would eventually translate into. Nonetheless, their joy is infectious and it keeps me going from one household to another thinking sunshine will follow this gloom and one day these villages will have better nutritional and health indicators. Life is about learning and this time it was important for me to learn how Sahariyas would react to fortified flour than to get perturbed for what meets the eye. And in my mind I would blabber “they had not have a full square meal for days and here I am asking about their preference for wheat flour?” Researcher in me had to take charge when in field and data collection become the only priority. Madhya Pradesh, especially the northern part of this state, is one of the high yielding states for good quality wheat grains in India. Sahariyas located from the same geographical areas have been suffering from malnutrition presented an example of contrast.

“Whiter it is, better it is”. It was interesting to understand in terms of colour of flour that whiter the colour it was perceived of better quality. And thus what they ordinarily availed from what they say ‘control shop’ (meaning: government-run Ration shops) were below standard and hence they would not consume them. This is a common practice among Sahariyas and it is so deep rooted that they usually sell off the flour they get from public distribution system and buy packaged flour from local grocery stores.
In reality, ‘brown’ flour is a healthier option compared to the ‘whiter’ variety as the former contains all the nutrition of whole wheat grain. ‘Whiter’ flour does not contain the husk which gives the ‘brown’ tinge for whole wheat flour and in turn is much inferior in terms of nutrition.

“Today is the day and I live here and now”. This seemed to be Sahariyas philosophy of life as it is in most tribal communities. In the beginning of summer every year they would migrate to work in the wheat fields in the neighbouring areas when crop is ready. They would receive wheat grains for their work, which meant almost 100 KG of grains per family. The entire family migrates during this season to work in the fields and they walk the entire way, unless they are lucky enough to get a free ride from trucks on the highways. Bringing back wheat grains on their return means spending a lot of money on transport; so they prefer bartering those wheat grains for sarees, foot-wears which are easier to carry. Alternatively they sell the grain for 100 or 200 Rupees. There were some instances where the family has mortgaged the ration card to buy food items and liquor.

Development has always been a multi-pronged entity and here among Sahariyas in Madhya Pradesh, interaction between poverty, education and health form a vicious cycle. Tribal way of life is still not understood and not assimilated in development programmes in general. It looks imperative to have an intensive behaviour change communication (BCC) with providers to sensitise them towards Sahariya tribe’s way of life. In addition to this, large scale behaviour change communication in the community has to be planned for successful implementation of flour fortification programme in the region. And it’s a long way ahead for Sahariyas to walk the path of development.

And we saw light at the end of the tunnel. With various development programmes available to the Sahariyas, looks like in times to come, they will move closer to a better, healthier life. We met a spirited 18 year-old Sahariya girl. She is from one of those villages we visited for this study. She lives with her mother who supports the family from the meagre earnings that come selling firewood in the local market in Guna. Her father died when she was barely few months old. She went to Tribal Welfare Development (TWD) run Kanya Vidyalaya; these are residential schools for tribal children. She has passed the higher secondary examination year and she's all set to become a teacher in the village school. She also plans to study for a bachelor’s degree with a distance learning course. Her hopes and aspirations and her positive attitude, assure us that, after all, there is hope for the next generation of Sahariyas if more such girls follow her path.

There is always hope and we hope that with intensive education, nutrition and development programmes dedicated to Sahariyas, one day this community will have better health and nutritional indicators.

Tagore in the time of Love!

Had it happened to you ever that you are thinking about something and you see that happen in real life?

I am in that kinda phase, it is where I almost feel like a psychic – somewhere it feels cool but another way its rather scary and I feel confused, and depleted. My senses are so heightened that I can feel every kind of energy around me. I try to relate this phase with things happening around me but I don’t seem to put my finger on one thing! Its like those dimensions of multiple truths – yes, in reality things aren’t all that black-and-white, however much we would like to believe that way. Things are rather fuzzy, and it all depends how we like to make believe, how we like to see, how we like to find meaning to this whole existence called life! Well, pretty much its how you think!

I have been travelling quite a bit – mostly for work. I love to travel – I’m sure you can tell that by now! But sometimes these travels can get on to you as my area of work almost always makes me think deep, makes me philosophical, and I start to think through things. And then there are moments where I find peace, feel tranquil when I see happy faces despite all the miseries around us, when I see the spirit in people despite life threatening diseases that I feel humble, and feel content from within despite layers of turmoil splashing on me from all around.

So, I was reasoning it out about this unruffled state of being with my many travels that I miss my bed [read: sleep deprived] and the cosy environs of my own home. And that I have been out in the open absorbing so much energy from everything.

But then, being in one place does suffocate me. I am sure you will call me strange but I am dead honest and that’s probably why I love to travel as these trips keep me going, make me imbibe different things from different cultures, make me rationalize the ‘others’ , the ‘different’ and somewhere I feel centred, mature and wise.

Some places clearly attract me, some energy do soothe me, and I am naturally drawn to nature where I get to synthesise balance within me, get rid of the turmoil and get rejuvenated. I did have one such short trip and felt happy to be around family and friends.
I keep asking myself, whether I am trying to escape things, is it that I am afraid of facing something, is it that I can’t take risks and wait for the uncertain to unravel, is it that despite how I abhor people who settle for things regular, things commonplace, things stereotypical – I too am longing for ‘regular’ stuff to feel comfortable for this existence. Huh! confusion and more confusion, and I am happy not to have any answers as that offers me reasons to live, to strive and to wait. In the process, I only get the opportunity to grow, to mature, to be patient.

This is almost getting confessional here. I know, you will say- its like that all the time. Yes, I write the way I think and it liberates me. And this is my blog, so I have all the reasons to pour out how I think, what I think :-) And then, writing is cathartic and I see things getting unclogged and I see creative juices starting to flow - that feeling is very exhilarating. I feel happy, I feel joy, I feel alive and these help me to see through those confusion and I start walking :-)


And as I was talking of connections and feeling psychic – I got a book, a Tagore, last night and I read it before I slept. Call it a coincidence - it arrived all the way from Shantiniketan and it is a travelogue [Japan Yatri]. What more suitable of a gift it can be for a nomad, for someone who loves Tagore! And guess what, what did I chance upon? Travelogue opens with him discussing his needs to travel, why being in another place soothes him, make him feel creative. And for time and again he suffers from pangs to be with nature, to absorb nature and the need to feel centred. If you don’t believe me, get hold this Tagore vintage and read for yourself! Wait, I will help you read some of it at least…I am trying to attach a photo – these are Tagore’s letters to his friends, some are in English and some are in Bengali. Its interesting to read his works in Bengali as unlike common thinking a writer would be using complicated words and would make simple things complex – Tagore is a beauty in simplicity, I quite like this ‘school boy-ish’ expressions. Well, I know, you will say my command over Bengali isn’t great and that my 'Bangla' is rusted. But I find solace reading Tagore as he doesn’t mince words, he speaks the way I understand and I just feel he understands me so well :-) [that’s stretching things too far of course! Well, I am confessing my love for him unabashedly, and I don’t cringe!]

Oh, I realised this is gonna be the first post of 2014. So here’s wishing you all a very Happy New Year 2014. Hope this year brings all the joy, love and happiness in everyone’s lives and I surely hope to write many more posts this year and get a book published under my moniker. Amen!

Purple Haze or Purple Maze!?

It is cold out here and temperature drops by the minute in the evening and it goes as low as 4 degC. And I am all wrapped up in my favourite purple turtle neck. There’s something about this colour, I naturally lean towards this blue-lavender-purple color family. Huh! I know you will say ‘what about your pink clouds then’? Yes, pink – that particular shade of The North Face pink has become my favourite shade in addition to my ‘purples’ :-)

Well, I am stationed in Imphal in the far North Eastern terrain of Manipur this year end. Days are quite short with wintry haze and sundown by 4.30pm. We need to wind up by 4pm or so or else everyone in the room starts to shiver and look for those li’l ‘bucket’ like charcoal stoves to keep us warm.

When we talk about North East India it brings a different connotation – I wonder whether this is a good way to describe all the exotic terrains, people, and places under one umbrella? Well, I am no historian, I am no expert but my love of this place brings me over and over again, I do feel I have some psychic connection. I am happy to be here, happy to breathe mountain air,

happy to walk on those roads my dad and mom had walked, and happy to see faces I had grown familiar with. It always feels good to be here! Who knows, may be I had died here in my last birth? Huh, I am sounding like a psychic but there’s something about this place that always has drawn me – people, their smiling faces, friendship, trust, love, faith and everything…..I cant really put my finger on one thing!

I was born in the North Eastern state of Arunachal when my dad was posted for 12 long years looking after NEFA, in one of those back of beyond places with no hospital (I mean some 40 years ago). We lived in bamboo huts just like our ‘Apatani’ neighbors and I grew up like a wild child in the wild playing in those beautiful meadows and jumping on those rickety bamboo bridges over those gurgling mountain streams. The ‘tomboy’ in me still lives on and I feel blessed to have all these experiences in my life.

This time I am on a work trip to carry out some research on drug use and I am more like ‘woman with agenda’! As I go about meeting different researchers and discuss our research topics, familiar faces pop up and a part of me seeps into nostalgia. There are people in the team I had worked with before and there are people in the team I had travelled with into the far away lands of Mayanmar and beautiful locales of Manipur. There are people in the team who had seen me metamorphose into this researcher I am today. And sitting here in this nice room in my hotel, overlooking a beautiful cityscape through the morning haze this morning, I loose myself to nostalgia. I hold no judgement, I hold no comparison, yet a part of me constantly nudges me to think what if I had stayed on, what if my dad wasn’t transferred out of NEFA after those aerodromes were built and made functional. Well, life in North East cannot be imagined unless you have lived one for yourself.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I was interviewing for my research team, and here’s that dashing handsome guy I knew from 2006 before my eyes and I took time to recognise him as the ‘virus’ has made a mark on him. We both knew we were talking to the same people, as our voice are same – he recognised me, his eyes jumped as he recollected our time, our working together and there I just had to quit that interview panel. I could not continue.

It is a challenge to know the terrain so well, know the people so well. You connect as friends and then you also need to work with your friends as they are the ones who know your research subject so well. But back in my mind I was going through a different kind of battle, and I had to confess that I too have bias and in the work I do there is no room for bias. So I left the room and gave away the decision to choose the research team to others in the team.

I came back to another room and started reading so that my mind is at peace and to keep sane. So many layers of thoughts were crisscrossing and I was literally looking for a blotting paper to soak away all my overflowing thoughts! Well, I had to pour it out and here I am pouring it out this morning as I start another workday. I know this work fascinates me, I know there’s something that I want to do through my research work, and I know I have to continue. And I know this path will give me tears, joys, smiles, happiness and sadness. Yes, I know. And I will walk this walk!!

TB or not to be!!

TB or not to be: MDR TB going to be the new face of TB epidemic in India?

“You can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards”- Steve Jobs

I would sound a bit like Steve Jobs here as I recount my delving into TB research way back in 1998 for doctoral work when India was transitioning to Revised National Tuberculosis Programme with DOTS. Little did I know then how I was paving my way into public health research and one day with this research experience combined with my training in Medical Anthropology will make so much sense in the domain of TB control in India, especially when we are talking about a muti-cultural country with medical pluralism and a disease like TB which has a long treatment period which leads to patients consult multiple practitioners leading to treatment default or mixing different lines of treatment leading to delayed or poor diagnosis, and treatment failure. This is a perfect area to marry Medical Anthropology and Public Health with doctor shopping among patients, unregulated use (abuse) of antibiotics, and making a case for lack of uniform regime across medical fraternity.

Indeed, it did make sense that afternoon when I was introduced to this professor from that University all the way from the States who was visiting my institute to establish collaboration in TB research in India. I know what I said to her that afternoon and I was also quite conscious of my passionate anecdotes and I constantly balanced the researcher and the advocate in me. We discussed the issues of MDR, issues of rampant use of antibiotics and consequences of non-regularised over the counter sale of antibiotics and the whole pros and cons in India and South Africa. Later, reading her blog, which she wrote two days before our meeting in Gurgaon, I am more at ease with my passionate ramblings as she had echoed the similar concerns.

With this new demon of MDR looming large, she plans to work on datasets (large ones, of course) and I plan to look at treatment pathways (retrospective) and combine our work to throw some light on this problem and create policy recommendation for MDR-TB in Indian setting. Joining dots would help us see some pattern in this juggernaut of a problem like MDR, hopefully!

I am the "Hallucination"!

In the dim light, under the moonlight, between all those hushed voice there was some warmth spreading between the two of us as we slowly warmed up with each other in our embrace, in our naked ness. Well, we were together in friendly, yet passionate cuddle and there was some kinda natural bent to it – no, it wasn’t as if we were trying hard, it was smooth, it flowed well. It was rather uncanny. It was rather unreal. But maybe that’s how adults try to know each other. May be that’s how it get started. May be it was none of that. As he often says ‘there is no…..’ ! Well, point taken!

For her it’s like a dream. It’s truly a dream and she kept pinching and pinched hard. For her it was real and she is quite stirred by the incident, something like a whirlwind. Indeed, he is like a whirlwind - he is real, he is big and he is there in front of you and he is all yours in kisses and tears, in sweet murmurs and then the next moment, he is that icon people look up to, he is in public domain and he is gone away from you! And you stay surprised by that whirlwind of a person who is a master in taming whirlwind in real life!

“he will be tall, very tall, well-built and he won’t be from your profession. And when you meet him, you will know for yourself”

Ah! as if I am recounting à la "Ketut" that Balinese medicine man in ‘Eat-Pray-Love’. It’s lovely to think that way, if pretty woman like Julia Roberts had to go through it, I am quite a game! Well, life isn’t a movie….but, wait, isn’t that life actually inspire those movies? Hmmm…..

But as humans, we all live in our own world of make-believe. I am one dreamer and I like to dream and I believe dreams do come true. Well, that’s about how I am….

He is one nice, down to earth person which is incredible despite all the adulation he is showered every day. He is indeed an epitome of success – if at all he approves that word. He is an achiever we would like to read about and listen to and narrate to our grandchildren. He is full of grey matter and quite charming at that – and these qualities he is very aware about himself.

She indeed was surprised and could not believe her eyes/ears when she met him. She is one hell of an independent woman, living by herself, setting her own standard in work and life, in her own little way. She is happy to see what life has brought to her, she is surprised to see how difficult it is to be a woman in this man’s world, when her chips are down and things are downhill she likes to think all this liberal ideas and feminism are bullshit and lucky are those women who stay at home and remain under their men’s shadow, she quarrels about hypocritical ways of society with her parents who encouraged her to be what she is today – an alpha fe-male! (of sorts)

He is honest and admits he is rude and arrogant when you stop by to tell him that. He walks like the boy next door in your neighborhood and doesn’t throw any tantrum when you don’t usher him in. He doesn’t have the need to bask in glory all the time, she thinks. He is prolly bored of all the awards and all the pep-talk he does far and wide – she conjures. He does not show any displeasure when she panics and she watches him walk into the twilight - she is lovelorn, but he is miffed and she is heartbroken.

She has a tiny little woman in her, and she realizes her womanly desires, her womanly charm and that façade of hers which she often hides. Though she enjoys that side of her and she knows how vulnerable she feels when that façade tries to peep out, as if she loses control. She did lose control and panicked. Hmm….

Well, we all are many layers deep and despite our layers and colors there is a basic tint that you portray and that’s what impacts the other. She likes simple things in life as it is easy to sustain, easy to hold on to. She loves little tears of joy and those weak vulnerable moments even though her mind must be racing to argue that colleague who questioned her research methodology. She wears a strong façade and underneath there is a soft innocent core to be loved, cuddled and fondled.

In their many layers, they will know each other and there will be a world of their own ‘make-believe’ which they will create. A world complex yet simple, rosy yet dark, hard yet soft and in the game of long and short they will find joy and laughter.

Yes, dreams they are and dreams do come true!! And you will know when you see it! And it is real and ‘there is no’ Hallucination! And there was moonlight and it was a full moon that night!

all-WRITE!

Hello there! I kept my promise to write again, to start writing again and writing more regularly and I am back with a bang. Now I have this new Evernote on my comp and I am using it to the hilt.


I plan to draft my thoughts everyday here. Earlier, I used to use a blog, and I was quite regular with it. It was between 2007-11 and slowly I dont see me doing it regularly despite giving much thought about it. I started discussing my old blogposts on FaceBook - thinking it will create interest among my friends and in turn would inspire to write again. Well, that was just some kind of thinking.


But I guess, the fact I write well is quite well known to me and that I want to write big is quite tempting to ignore this writing streak totally. So, another time, I started to write - pen on paper, not in regular intervals but in bouts, to pour my thoughts more like some inspirational notes to me. And I have some well scribbled notes to read on dated between 2012-13.


Now the plan is, I will write here. I will put these up on blog sometimes, depending on the content - if too personal then it stays here just to me on my comp as posts to re-read at another time to reminisce how I thought through or how I coped through the time etc.


And the plan is to write at least full 2-3 pages everyday - to start with just some mundane stuff, to unpack all those tangled wires in my brain, to be able to think clear, to feel creative, to unleash creativity. Does it happen to you - that once you start writing and start to pour out your initial thoughts, there comes that huge bout of creative energy from nowhere and you just keep tapping on the keyboard endlessly resulting free flowing write up? It happens to me, I have seen this in me that most of my writing - I mean writing on 'blog' (and not technical/scientific writing I do professionally) is quite driven by that uncertain something, that unplanned something that I have any control on. I quite like that kinda thing in me, that spontaneity, that creativity and that mood especially - as if I am possessed and there is a certain high! Do you relate to this?


You know, somewhere I am unabashedly aware about me, my tendencies and I quite see the way I think, why I think, my pluses and my minuses, and those shallowness I portray in my writings or those deep thoughts. So, I write not to please anyone, or to impress any soul but to unleash this soulful creativity I possess, which I feel I must nurture. I also see this pouring out as a therapeutic pursuit, a way to grow, mature and to reflect. Its very important for me to point fingers at me more often I can, to be aware and to improve and be enlightened.


So, making a new start, a humble beginning all over again. I sincerely hope this will be continued in regular fervor, rigor and and and......well, I will be back soon!

Travel and thoughts uncensored

Remember writing an email just before starting a 'voyage' way back, well, its kinda repetitive. I go through a strange kind of phase before I leave for a tour. And today, I found myself doing the same. Didnt write an email though, but was 'writing' a similar note, a checklist in my mind.

Hmm, coming to think of it, looks like I have a remnant from some previous lives, and I am still figuring it out. Given the kind of travel I do, I shouldn't have such jitters at all. But, what to do, I am sharing what I go through, real honest. Who knows, I probably have died in travel mode in my last birth? Who knows, probably I had lost all communications with my near and dear ones once I set out for that voyage?

Ha ha ha, sounding psychic, real strange, no? But, its ok to have different thoughts coming up and I let them be as they are....

Yes, its gonna be a lot of travel and its giving me a lot of jittery moments. Its kinda, I know everything will be alright but there are those moments of nerves which prepares me for the sojourn, which tells me its time to start packing, its time to give one last look at that Budhha picture before you close your apartment door, its time to start the voyage.

And I am preparing for all the voyages in store for me this year, and I know who all are counting... Ahh, let me explain...

Friend 1: "how many pages are left on your passport"
Moi: its my second passport, should be enough to accommodate my travel in 2011 :-)

Friend 2: "how many new places, this time"
Moi: (taking time) 1+1+1+1...four places in next two months

Friend 3 (a very cute one): "I am counting, so its going to be 20+ countries, eh?"
Moi: whoops, is that true, wow....you surely count :-)

Well then, you got the picture. And I gotta go, have to start packing. And I dont have anyone help me taking that suitcase down, ok...I will manage.

One hell of a BITCH :-)

This is from one of those forwarded emails and I just couldnt stop laughing :-)
Well, here's something to all the super-duper bitches in this world (including moi!)
And btw, I like the second abbreviation the most, I like, I like :-)

"When I stand up for
Myself and my beliefs,
They call me a
Bitch.

When I stand up for
Those I love,
They call me a
Bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
Or do things my own way, they call me a
Bitch.

Being a bitch
Means I won't
Compromise what's
In my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to
Tolerate injustice and
Speak against it, I am
Defined as a
bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be...

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle 'anything'"

Its about Everything....

Everything by Alanis Morissette

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

And you’re still here
And you're still here...

Dreams uncensored!

Hmmm....I do dream a lot. Yes, I do live in my own world, my world of dreams. I am happy that I have dreams, I am happy that I live to see my dreams come true. Yes, its true, dreams do come true.

I am reliving one such moments when I see my dreams coming true. Looks like this year is going to be a dreamy year. This year is going to be an amazing year. This year will be my globe trotting year! Yes, I am awake, wide awake and seeing my dreams come true.

I am happy that the nomad in me will have an opportunity to set her feet on different soil, on different shores, and on different mountains. She will have her moments of joy with air in her hair which she so fondly loves. She will have moments of happiness filling her tummy with different food, gorging on different tastes. She will have her time of her life setting her eyes on wonderful monuments which stood the test of time.

Hmmm....I am already sensing the itch, and the 'mustard seeds under my feet' started to roll again! Whoosh......

Yes, dreams do come true. Dream. Live. Be happy.

Quote Unquote

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do... Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

Life's a Beach.....

Life is like a wave, things go and things come….sounds like as if I am writing this from middle of a beach holiday, no? I would have loved that….what a thought! Probably, deep within, I am longing for one such holiday, just to listen to the gurgle as waves after waves keep crashing on the shore, soaking in all the air laden with smell of the sea, soaking all the warmth of the sun from under those shades of palm groves, while leisurely hanging from my hammock.

Now, coming to talk about where I started this post….Well, to tell you the truth, I am growing patient with me, and watching me how me goes about doing things, how things around me keep happening….

Its amazing to realize that most of the time you don’t have to do anything, things just happen…just go with the flow….and there it feels so meaningless, so foolish to be so pumped up about things, so charged up about some work….yes, its just our way of looking at things. Its our way of making us think that we are important and that we are making things happen.

Coming to talk about waves, I am seeing an amazing pattern these days around me. Well, more precisely about people around me. And call me psychic, call me intuitive, call me whatever….but I feel as if I am living in a déjà-vu, I kinda am watching a movie which seemed to be so known!

Yes, I am seeing some kind of pattern around me, with people around me. People around me - they come and then they go. People around me are moving in and then moving out. People around me are getting pulled in by a huge magnetic force in my life and then they are disappearing somewhere as if another huge magnet pulled them in another pole. And with this goings and comings, I see a pattern- I am just mere a spectator, I have no role to play…or rather I cannot do anything. I have no control. I like it that way, I don’t want to control, its much less work if things happen on its own. Yeah, I am a lazy bum with a nice façade. I am a control freak who wants to be nice, and doesn’t know how to pretend. Honestly, I don’t want to control anything. I just see things and I know what all are happening, probably why things are happening but again I try just to watch the show and not be part of it.

Have you ever done this? If you ever, then you will see how cool it is to be a watcher, to be a by-stander, to be a mere passerby in this game of life as waves after waves keep crashing at your feet when you walk on those soft sands all soaked up, all warm yet so wet from the sun and from the water, on that beach. Suddenly everything looks so serene, so beautiful, just so very relaxing.

Yes, letting go of things is indeed very calming. I have done that, I have lived that. And I like living that way…..

Quote-Unquote

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile."

Feelin' light.....

"Introspection is the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations. It is a conscious mental and usually purposive process relying on thinking, reasoning, and examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and, in more spiritual cases, one's soul." Feelin' good...Happy that I did this today (wide grin)

the air around me :-)

Love air in my hair….umm…I love it when cool breeze plays with my unruly locks…..I like it when its disheveled, just out of bed. Well, that’s my look actually…I have a real nice, low-maintenance look and I don’t even need a comb! This hairdo just sits so perfectly on me, err suits me so well, every time, all the time, while on vacation, while I am at work, after shower and even on a bad hair day!

Don’t know why of all topics I am talking about hair….well, loved air in my hair this morning, while seeping some nice Darjeeling tea in my balcony. Yeah, spring is here….

Yes, I know why I am talking about my hair. Because, just the other day a certain colleague commented on my hair and I kinda didn’t understand whether she was complimenting or being sarcastic. If I corroborate the conversion it almost could sound ‘why don’t your hair fall?’ (smirk!) Well, I offer benefit of doubt and move on thinking probably she is envious of my lush unruly locks and may be my hair is note-worthy. Hmm…I mean what else you could do in such a situation? Would you try showing her that your hair is glued on the scalp with some fancy gel? Ha ha ha….

Moving on…from hair to air…And talking about air, I do have an air about me. Well, we all have and it’s not a bad thing. I rather feel a certain air about yourself is really cool, it’s confidence building, it’s encouraging, it’s infectious. And it’s all how you play the air….'play the air'? well….read on….

Call me arrogant, call me difficult, and call me troublesome. I know one thing for sure, someone just could not topple me and probably all roughed up so hence such names. I don’t mind either. Call me whatever you may, I will care if you are worth paying attention to. And most times I get such names from people who either just found them in a sticky situation, who are unfair, who are unprofessional and trying to get through me, who are outright incompetent and trying to get into a logical conversation. Well, I don’t mind failing but I will never go down without a fight. I feel it’s my obligation to reason out, and show things the way it is. And I can be a tough nut despite such lush hair and real nice façade (wide grin)

I know it’s only when I give you a tight fight and you see red in the eye, you mouth such names. Well…

I love the air I wear, I love the way I am. Because I know I am walking straight, I am walking in all fairness and I am walking the walk I can walk. I do what I can, I never try to do more than I can do. I only do things what my pocket allows me, which I gracefully own. Thus I despise people who flaunt larger than life persona and forget to pay the bill at a fancy restaurant where they invite themselves. I pity such gluttons who only can fill their mouths with others money. I call such creatures a failure with all academic degrees they accumulate from around the globe when they are unmindful of courteous behavior. What is the point when you cannot think of spending a penny from your pocket for your travel and ask for change from the host at a housewarming get together? What is the point when you invite someone on her birthday and let her pay for the party? Such parasites are burden on this planet and it’s worthwhile if you know them at the earliest and weed away.

And end of the day, I could care less if such parasites call me names….as it’s not worth wasting time and energy on such non-worthy things. O’yeah, I really love the air I have about me, the air in my hair, and my hair looks great….and its gonna be like this for some more time. So, I can tell a certain someone that the wait’s gonna be long (wink)

Eye-ohhh (2)

"I can still see that lovely eye liner that you’d put the last time I met you. It really made your eyes look gorgeous."

Ouch....I just read this in an email sent to me and I said "eye-oh!"...err aiyo! This has reference to a meeting at a lecture and it seems people notice my eyes and remember them, I wonder people also remember what I speak so passionately on Tuberculosis researches I do in India. Hmmmm....

What can I do? I do have real nice eyes, as they say gorgeous eyes :-) Call me a narcissist but there have been precedences as well.

Eyes Eyes Baby Baby!!

On the "Face" of it.....

Lets face it, ok? Well, we have been facing these a lot these days and that's why I say, lets face it, huh?

It was an emotional moment that afternoon when she felt a pang in her heart as she typed " that was a time when we lived in the same neighborhood and met everyday in the class and then there was a time when we didnt have any news about each other and now here is another time when we are looking at each others pictures and chatting on FaceBook".

Once they were neighbors and they were best of friends and there wasnt a day when they never met each other except for those six weeks when her family would travel out of the city during summer vacations each year. Well, that was the time...

Now here is another time when he saw her picture first time ever, a photograph that is, when her name appeared on a common friend's friend list. Umm....things change, time changes, and looks change too....and wow, she looks different. Nice.

So on the face of it, its nice to be in touch with long lost friends and nice to see how old friends share notes, how friends are curious about life, how we keep moving in our lives and how we get into different paths when we had started together and how our paths cross when we have no idea where we started. Well.....

Nice, I am happy, things are moving, things are shaping up, things are making sense. And there was that smile, that happy smile that I love and I long for....

That afternoon, from within that music, from within that euphoria there was that moment which was so perfect, so unusual and yet so in-sync that everything felt normal. Yet it was different. Nice.

A song for you....

simplifying the complexity

Hmmm....I didnt think of visiting my blog today but someone had left a comment on an old post and that brought me here. Interesting, how I deviate from my plans, how I just put aside those dirty dishes on my kitchen sink and devote some time to my blog. Well, not that I dont like to write err blog...I rather like to be consistent about my writing as I nurture my dream to have my own book, a bestseller. People who read my blog tell me that I write well, that I kinda can weave things and its interesting. Recently my big brother went through my blog and read some of the posts and he even recommended me to start writing on a particular genre, I am glad, I am happy and these words of appreciation inspire me to write more, to create more, to weave more with my words. Yes, words...

Things are going crazy lately, life is so hectic that I am losing count of days and how its already mid November and I have no idea its just feels yesterday I was thinking about going to the mountains to beat the summer heat in Delhi. Hmmm, truly, time indeed flies...You know, you are lucky to get this feeling as this means things are going good...and you are going with the flow...I remember one friend saying this one day. Yes, I am grateful that things are all good, li'l hectic and tiring but its all good, as they say in NYC.

Talking about pace, speed, life's ongoing string of things, and in the midst of all these madness I sometimes think its good to have no format, no pattern and its fun to be spontaneous, and be there for that moment. Its good sometimes to have no plans...or the way the ultimate 'virgo' in me would put: its ok not to follow the plans! Well, I really dont know, whats good and what's not...as end of the day if I can flash that smile which you call bewitching, I am happy with that. If at the end of the day I can fall asleep next to you, I am happy with that. If at the end of the day that funny, non-descriptive curry I churn out in my new kitchen tastes like thousand bucks, I am happy. Actually, its really a simple thing to be happy in life and I dont know why people choose a complex route for happiness. Anyway....

May be I should be asking this to myself...as I sometimes become such an epitome of perfection that things go really rigid, really structured and my scheme of things do look like a fortress...as if I am that super warrior with a no-non sense air...hmmm...

Well, I am good as long as I take time to point fingers at myself. No one is perfect, you see....

Talking about complexities, I do get bit worked up when things are not so simple around me, when things are unclear, when things around you give you doubts, when things around you make you think twice. I am sure it doesnt give you a good feeling, when in one hand you expect a bunch of roses but you are poked with thorns. Who like to have such surprises? Not me at the least.

I know roses are enchanting, beautiful and so ethereal... but I would rather appreciate those lanky stems of tuberoses. I like things simple, things which are clear...things which dont confuse you. Well....thats how I have been leading my life and I have no complaints. Its been awesome so far, its been a great ride so far, as I call it 'awesome lonesome' and I am really fortunate to have it shaping up this way. I am glad, thankful, all humbled!